The One Where We Pretend Interview Asher Roth

Pennsylvania’s Asher Roth is a 23-year-old white rapper who makes us yearn for MC Paul Barman. (Yes, we’re that old.) No surprise Pitchfork’s take on his major label debut (which dropped on 4/20, natch) made us chortle, particularly these lines: “by trying to embody a universal experience, Roth reps for no one in particular and just becomes that asshole yelling ‘CHUG, FRESHMAN!’ turning in the most laughably out-of-touch account of campus culture since I Am Charlotte Simmons. At least Tom Wolfe had the excuse of being 50 years older than Roth.” After the jump find our super fake interview with the young MC crafted by lifting lyrics from his breakout hit, “I Love College.”

Flavorwire: Hey Asher! So let’s get right to it. Pitchfork gave your new album Asleep in the Bread Aisle a pretty scathing review and a 2.4 ranking. That can’t feel good. How are you holding up?

Asher Roth: I’m nice right now, man. I-I feel good. If you have a drink would you please put it in the air?

FW: We only drink in the office on Friday afternoons at Flavorpill. So what you would say to critics who dismiss your sound as “frat rap”?

AR: Fill up my cup, let’s get fucked up. I’m next on the table, who want what? I am champion at beer pong.

FW: Does that mean you agree?

AR: Time isn’t wasted when you’re getting wasted.

FW: Is that a yes?

AR: Drink my beer and smoke my weed but my good friends is all I need.

FW: OK, moving on…Tell us about the average day in the life of Asher Roth.

AR: Sip Banker’s Club and drink Miller Lite on Thirsty Thursday and Tuesday Night Ice. And I can get pizza a dollar a slice. Pass out at 3, wake up at 10, go out to eat then do it again.

FW: Sounds like fun — but what are your goals for the future? Are you already working on a follow-up album?

AR: I wanna go to college for the rest of my life.

FW: OK. Any “higher education” lessons you’d like to “drop” on our readers?

AR: Don’t pass out with your shoes on. And don’t leave the house ’til the booze gone. And don’t have sex if she’s too gone. When it comes to condoms put two on.

FW: I think we’re done here.