Ever gluttons for punishment, Rolling Stone just published their list of the “Best Songs of the Aughts” list. Setting aside the use of the word “aughts” and the fact that RS‘s moment of cultural relevance passed in about 1974, the one thing that did stand out was that for a magazine less than eager to embrace hip hop when it was still a genuinely fresh and underground genre, Rolling Stone has produced a hell of a hip-hop-centric list here. Of the top 20 songs featured, exactly half are hip-hop tracks, and the rest of the list leans heavily on the genre. Of course, the hip-hop artists chosen are pretty much a roll call of the mainstream — 50 Cent, Kanye West, Eminem, MIA. But it got us thinking: what does your favorite rapper say about you? As ever, our stereotyping action is meant as a bit of fun, so put away the Glock and see what label applies to you.
Anyone whose definition of an awesome night out involves a ride in a Hummer limo.
People who think ass implants are actually kind of sexy.
People who’ve always thought ass implants were actually kind of sexy.
Bros who would never actually get onto the guestlist at da club.
Well-intentioned social activists who are still flying the flag after all these years.
Angry teens who have grown into angry men.
Insufferable white dudes who insist on using the word “shawty.”
The scary men in Bushwick who have been holding up the residents of McKibbin Lofts of late.
People who think they’re perhaps just a little bit smarter than they actually are.
People who think they’re perhaps just a little bit cooler than they actually are.
Production geeks who will pay very, very good money on eBay for rare custom MPCs.
The friend of a friend who somehow always corners you at parties and then regales you in excruciatingly tedious detail with their theories about why 9/11 was an inside job and Neil Armstrong never actually went to the moon.
De La Soul
Large, matronly, voluble Earth Mother types with a liking for bright-colored African robes and unexpected hugs.
Compulsive Allhiphop readers who know exactly who’s got beef with who at any given moment.
’90s holdovers to whom irony remains the pinnacle of humor.
Various members of the Wu-Tang Clan
’90s holdovers to whom irony is an entirely foreign concept.
Ladies with a wardrobe full of prominent brand names and a wallet full of astronomical credit card debts.
Sean “Puffy” Combs/Puff Daddy/P Diddy/Diddy
People who a) lack functioning ears and b) still think the original “I’ll Be Watching You” was a love song.
Tyler, The Creator
Not-at-all-homophobic mid-teen keyboard warriors who are prone to temper tantrums when mom revokes their Playstation privileges.
The Notorious BIG
Veteran Brooklyners who die a little inside every time a hipster gets on the J train.
The Cool Kids
BMX bandits and Star Wars fans.
Large men who had to undertake significant structural alteration to their cars in order to accommodate their new subwoofers, and who also harbor a murderous hatred for Brokencyde.
The bug-eyed kid at school who goes mushroom-picking every September.
Anyone who hated Snoop Dogg in 1992.
Insane Clown Posse