Trailer Park: Shakespeare, Santa, and Spacey

Welcome to “Trailer Park,” our regular Friday feature where we collect the week’s new trailers all in one place and do a little “judging a book by its cover,” ranking them from worst to best and taking our best guess at what they may be hiding. This week, we’ve got eight new ones—everything from cancer comedies to Shakespearean dramas to, God help us, holiday fare. Check ‘em all out after the jump.

Abduction

“Oh, how the mighty have fallen,” we wrote of Boyz n the Hood director John Singleton recently, and if you’d like proof, check out this new trailer for his fall “action thriller.” Where to start with this one? Well, first of all, who’s this baby-voiced 12-year old in the lead? Another Twilight kid, you say? Why are these people infecting other movies? His big action line at the end (“Not if I find you first!”) is delivered with the intensity (and pitch — seriously kid, put some bass in your voice) of a fourth grader in a game of hide and seek. And that little gasp at the :17 mark—what is that supposed to be, acting? Singleton, we’ve come to expect this from you, and this Taylor Lautner person probably doesn’t know any better. But Alfred Molina and Sigourney Weaver: how could you?