The Death of Crunk: Sellyourgoldteeth.com

Recession life ain’t easy. Harder than pimpin’, that’s for sure. But while reading this article on WSJ.com about the death of bling culture, I felt like I’d been hit with something harder than the tremendous anvils that have been slamming us all: slowing economic activity, useless credit, foreclosure, and unemployment. Rappers are turning to imitation jewelry.

More specifically, they’ve been ditching diamonds and decorating themselves with cubic zirconia instead. My only memories of that imitation-silver substance involve the innumerable earrings I bought from Claire’s that inspired wet infections in my newly-pierced ears. I suppose I shouldn’t generalize. 50 Cent is still fighting the good fight and talking smack against those sporting fake studs — like poor Rick Ross.

Another bad sign: An auction of hip hop’s crown jewels — including Lil Jon’s 12 pound “Crunk Ain’t Dead necklace” — was delayed until March of their year, and looks like it will permanently be put on hold.

Even grills sales are down. Which brings us to sellyourgoldteeth.com. No, it’s not a joke. Per their site: “America is in the midst of a NEW GOLD RUSH. Now more than ever gold is the most valuable and secure asset. Selling your gold teeth and crowns is an excellent way to bring in extra. There are two types of gold teeth: removable teeth (caps, grills) and gold dental crowns. Both are sellable and very valuable. We are a 50-year family jwelery business and pay top dollar.” Oy.