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Bollocks to Christmas: A Mixtape for People Who Hate the Holidays

If the thought of hearing “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” or “Jingle Bells” or that godawful John Lennon song one more time fills you with the urge to kill, then relax: you’re not alone. We’re pretty skeptical about Christmas at the best of times, but if there’s one aspect of it we really detest, it’s the constant bombardment of Christmas music — you can’t step out the door without hearing some maddeningly jaunty tune that’ll inevitably lodge in your head for the rest of the day. So as a respite to the incessant bombardment of forced good cheer, here’s a selection of Christmas songs for people who hate Christmas. Bah, humbug!

Tiny Tim — “Santa Claus Has Got the Aids This Year”

Astonishingly, this apparently wasn’t about the disease AIDS — its lyric actually referred to something called Ayds, which was an appetite-suppressant candy bar popular in the 1970s. (Unsurprisingly, the product’s sales rather fell off during the 1980s.) Unfortunately, you’d never know this from the lyrics, which also make perfect sense if read in reference to a disease. Even more unfortunately, the song was released just as the AIDS epidemic was starting to permeate the public consciousness, and the whole thing has gone down as one of the most disastrous (and, it must be said, hilarious) coincidences in musical history.

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