Last week we stereotyped you by your favorite books, and this week it’s time to apply a bumper edition of our gratuitous generalizations to the world of music. Our stereotyping posts have become something of a tradition at Flavorpill, but still, here’s our obligatory disclaimer: this is an entirely tongue-in-cheek exercise, so don’t get all offended — and also, as ever, several of our favorite records are on here, and we’ll totally own up to all the stereotypes that apply to us. Anyway, with that said, here are 50 albums that keep cropping up on end-of-year lists and the sort of people that like them.
Fucked Up — David Comes to Life
Angry punks who nevertheless have a place for Queen’s Greatest Hits in the record collection that’s still on the shelf at their mom’s house.
Oneohtrix Point Never — Replica
People who are not ashamed to have spent an unspecified sum (rumored to extend to five figures) purchasing vintage Russian synthesizers on eBay.
Lady Gaga — Born This Way
Those waifish, unfeasibly attractive “DJs” you see looking hugely uncomfortable behind the decks at Fashion Week parties.
John Maus — We Must Become the Pitiless Censors of Ourselves
Anyone who wears a sports coat with those leather elbow pad thingys.
Wild Flag — Wild Flag
The entire population of Portland, Oregon.
Girls — Father, Son, Holy Ghost
Lapsed Catholics with burgeoning drug habits.
Battles — Gloss Drop
Lil B — I’m Gay (I’m Happy)
PEOPLE WHO TYPE INCOHERENTLY IN ALL CAPS.
Atlas Sound — Parallax
Nocturnal OCD types who rarely leave their bedrooms, where they’ve set up a recording studio that’d make Rick Rubin whistle in appreciation.
Bon Iver — Bon Iver
People who spent hours trying to decide between beige and off-white for their living room walls.
Frank Ocean — Nostalgia, Ultra
Bros who secretly like Jodeci.
Drake — Take Care
Bros who openly like Jodeci.
The Weeknd — House of Balloons
Bros who goddamn worship Jodeci, and do you have a problem with that?!
Arctic Monkeys — Suck It and See
Anglophiles who buy the print edition of NME and insist on using slightly jarring anglicisms whenever they talk to you. Know what I mean? Innit?
EMA — Past Life Martyred Saints
Indie girls with newly bleached blonde hair.
Tom Waits — Bad As Me
Relatives and/or friends of relatives who are on the wrong side of 50 but still ask you to make them mix CDs of “interesting new music” whenever you see them.
Kurt Vile — Smoke Ring for My Halo
“Dude! Duuuuuuuuude! You gotta try this new bud I got from my dealer…”
Blanck Mass — Blanck Mass
“Dude! Duuuuuuuuude! You gotta try these new tabs I got from my dealer…”
PJ Harvey — Let England Shake
Pictureplane — Thee Physical
People who like Salem and Enya, and see nothing unusual about this.
Shabazz Palaces — Black Up
Dudes who look like Dev Hynes, own a large proportion of Warp’s back catalogue, and smile sadly if anyone mentions Watch the Throne in their presence.
Chelsea Wolfe — Ἀποκάλυψις
Slightly creepy types who have a fascination with ancient Egypt and a penchant for checking the ▲WI╪CHBØØK▲ group on Facebook several times a day.
Panda Bear — Person Pitch… no, wait, it’s called Tomboy
Those people who stare at you blankly when you tell them a joke, and then start laughing sheepishly about 12 minutes later, by which time the conversation has moved onto another topic entirely.
Zola Jesus — Conatus
People who wear black. And only black.
The Horrors — Skying
Dudes who heard Tears For Fears on the Donnie Darko soundtrack and aren’t ashamed to admit they enjoyed it.
Gang Gang Dance — Eye Contact
Trippers who have been trying for several years to bring those ’80s hypercolor T-shirts “back.”
Balam Acab — Wander/Wonder
College kids who were always picked last for sports teams at high school but are finding that suddenly spectacles and a penchant for wearing T-shirts several sizes too large aren’t such a handicap any more.
M83 — Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming
People who used to read Pitchfork compulsively and now find themselves reading Spin, for reasons they can’t elucidate and would rather not think about.
Julianna Barwick — The Magic Place
Earnest scholarly types who will happily use the word “ethereal” in everyday conversation.
Björk — Biophilia
Well-to-do 30-somethings who shop exclusively at Whole Foods and still think iPads are just the coolest things ever.
tUnE-yArDs — w h o k i l l
QuIrKy gIrLs wItH bRoKeN k e y b o a r d s.
Cults — Cults
Underage music fans who have just moved to Brooklyn, are super-excited about everything, and are prone to overusing the word “like.”
Justice — Audio, Video, Disco
Dudes with unconvincing moustaches and even more unconvincing French accents.
James Blake — James Blake
People who’ve just decided that they really rather like this “new dubstep thing.”
Beyoncé — 4
People who buy one record a year.
Yuck — Yuck
People who buy one record a year but consider themselves “indie.”
Eleanor Friedberger — Last Summer
Girls who are really, really looking forward to the new Best Coast album.
The Black Keys — El Camino
Bros who can’t understand why you keep ragging on Rolling Stone, anyway.
Radiohead — The King of Limbs
Increasingly world-weary 30-somethings who can’t quite bring themselves to admit that this probably wasn’t actually the best album of the year.
Wilco — The Whole Love
Old high-school friends who subscribe to Uncut.
Cold Cave — Cherish the Light Years
Bros who think that talking about minimal wave is a good strategy for getting laid.
Gil Scott-Heron and Jamie xx — We’re New Here
Dinner party hosts who shift uncomfortably in their seats when you play them the original I’m New Here.
Jay-Z and Kanye West — Watch the Throne
Heavyset men who own gigantic flat screen televisions, hugely expensive “Beats by Dre” headphones, and large, gas-guzzling SUVs.
Gillian Welch — The Harrow and the Harvest
People who own banjos.
Fleet Foxes — Helplessness Blues
People who own banjos and live in the city.
Kate Bush — 50 Words for Snow
Aunties in long skirts who live in the country and are often described by the rest of the family using words like “eccentric” and/or phrases like “black sheep.”
St. Vincent — Strange Mercy
Brooklyn-based daughters of aunties in long skirts who live in the country and are often described by the rest of the family using words like “eccentric” and/or phrases like “black sheep.”
R. Kelly — Love Letter
People you would never, ever leave alone with your children.
Katy B — On a Mission
The Guardian, inexplicably.
Lou Reed & Metallica — Lulu
That one friend who has to have a contrary opinion on everything. Although this might be a challenge, even for him/her.