Today marks the release of Ben Marcus’s long-awaited fourth novel, The Flame Alphabet, in which language becomes lethal, estranging families, turning children (who are solely immune) into something resembling packs of wild dogs, and requiring everyone’s complicity in a sort of social apocalypse brought on by an inability to communicate. Needless to say, the concept that language may turn toxic and slowly kill off its users is relatively terrifying for us, so we’ve put together a short guide on the most frightening fictional afflictions in literature — and more importantly, how to avoid them. Click through for a quick survival lesson, and let us know if you have any more safety tips in the comments.

Toxic language in The Flame Alphabet, Ben Marcus

When, perhaps from overuse, perhaps from something more sinister, all language — voiced aloud, written, mimed — becomes toxic to the listener, unless that listener is under eighteen (at least at first). The afflicted suffer from shrunken faces, vomiting, and extreme weakness until they ultimately die from the toxicity.

How to protect yourself: As all agoraphobics and the staunchly antisocial already know, you’re safest on your own. Make sure you have a secret — really secret — spot to hole up in when the worst of it hits, and don’t break down and take your family with you. Alternately, you can concoct your own medicine to combat the thing, but, well, good luck with that.