We don’t agree with a lot of what Newt Gingrich says, but when he vowed to establish a colony on the moon, we have to admit that we were intrigued. Now don’t get us wrong, we think this is a ridiculous idea, but it did get us to thinking about what our ideal moon colony might look like. After all, if “honeymoons in space will be the vogue by 2020,” we’re going to want to know the coolest places to go. So we’ve put together this list of fictional space colonies we’d actually be down to live in, in case Gingrich needs a little inspiration for his base’s decor or government policies. And since they’re fictional, well, we don’t have to worry about that question of how to pay for it. One thing, though: there will be no children working as janitors. Sorry, Newt, but you can’t have everything. Click through to read our list of fictional space colonies we’d actually like to live in (or at least go to on our honeymoons) and let us know if we’ve missed any of your favorites in the comments.
The lunar colonies in Robert A. Heinlein’s The Moon is a Harsh Mistress
We actually think Newt might have this one in mind — after all, he’d be a proponent of TANSTAAFL! (otherwise known as There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch!) We like it because the “Loonies” live in a relatively peaceful society where women are scarce and therefore revered, where there is little crime and a high value placed on reputation — failure to pay your debts, for instance, is punished by public shaming, which is pretty much the worst. One of our favorite characters, Professor de la Paz, describes himself as a “rational anarchist” and famously says, “In terms of morals there is no such thing as a ‘state.’ Just men. Individuals. Each responsible for his own acts. I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free, because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything that I do.” There’s also a self-aware supercomputer named Mike.
Lunar Park in Futurama
Obviously we’re going to want to go to the moon colony with the biggest theme park — wouldn’t you? Even if it seems a little hokey. After all, “it’s the happiest place orbiting Earth.”
Moonbase Alpha in Space: 1999
Totally self-sustaining and pleasantly beige, Moonbase Alpha is exactly what we want from any ’70s-themed moon base. You get your own suite of rooms, plus there’s everything you could ever need: a gym, sauna, solarium, swimming pool, bowling alley, a stage, a movie theatre, and a library full of books both paper and e-, not to mention a hospital and a research center. Um, can we move there now?
The Justice League Watchtower in the DC Comic Universe
Mostly because we want to hang out with the Justice League. When they’re not around, we could just relax and read books in the arboretum until the whole place inevitably gets destroyed. Cool?
Moon Colony Luna in John Varley’s Steel Beach
Varley’s Moon Colony Luna is pretty much a utopia — any disease can be cured, the climate is always beautiful, you can change anything about yourself (eye color, body shape, gender) with a painless and quick surgery, and a benevolent computer protects the balance of the environment and its inhabitants. As for the fact that everyone is becoming seriously depressed, well, that just won’t happen to us! Right? Right.
Clavius Base in 2001: A Space Odyssey
Faux-epidemic or no, this is the ultimate moon base just by virtue of its creation for the Space Odyssey universe as the center of American moon operations — if you live here, it’s pretty much like being part of history. Plus, Tom Hanks named his film production company after it, so you know it’s cool.
The town of Crater Plato in the Matthew Looney books by Jerome Beatty Jr
Now, Maria and Matthew Looney are technically non-humans who are natives of the moon, but no matter. Their life on the moon sounds pretty much like our life on Earth, except that Matthew’s father wants him to follow in his “moonsteps” as a powder factory worker, but Matthew would rather be a cabin boy aboard the Mooncraft Ploozer headed to Earth. In the author’s bio, he writes, “These books are an attempt by Mr. Beatty to answer for himself the question of what the reaction on the Moon might be to our attempts to acquire it physically as well as romantically.”
Moonbase 3 in Moonbase 3
In this doomed British TV show’s vision of the moon, there are several major moonbases, each established by one of the Earth’s powers: America, Russia, Europe (Moonbase 3), China and Brazil. Moonbase 3 is not the fanciest by far (guess whose is?) but its ragtag team is certainly the most lovable.