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Congressional Missed Connections From ‘The McSweeney’s Book of Politics & Musicals’

If you’re a fan of The Daily Show, or hey, the news these days in general, you’ll know that American politics can be pretty hilarious — whether intentionally or not. The hilarity, however, is all intentional in The McSweeney’s Book of Politics & Musicals, just released this week, a collection of hilarious political-minded shorts like “Fragments from PALIN! THE MUSICAL” and “Atlas Shrugged Updated for the Financial Crisis.” Below, we’ve excerpted one of our favorites — “Congressional Missed Connections,” by Sloan Schang, which yes, is exactly what it sounds like. Click through to get your congressional Craigslist surfing on, and pick up a copy of the book for more goodies!

Congressional Missed Connections

Sloan Schang

You: Sexy Filibuster Brown. Me: Shrinking junior member in the last row. Your recitation of whole episodes of Murder, She Wrote was brilliant. Didn’t want it to end but I fell asleep in hour sixteen and when I woke up, you were gone. :- ( E-mail me, I want to hear what matters to you.

**

Senate Dining Room last week, you were eating with some old guys and you caught me looking at you, lol. Was that bow tie for real? Dying to know.

**

Getting our shoes shined together and I was coveting your tawny Fratellis. Wanted to talk about redistricting but you said that’s for behind closed doors. Can’t stop thinking about that.

**

Me: Dashing salt-and-pepper Rep. yelling at an aide in the hallway. You: Ravishing housewife on a tour of the chamber last Tuesday. I’m not really that scary. Send a pic so I know it’s you.

**

Am I crazy or were you were looking right at me every time you said “two- party system”? Tell me I’m not crazy over coffee.

**

After Appropriations yesterday you proposed forming a “subcommittee to kill some brain cells.” Sounds more like a caucus to me. Where do I sign up?? :)

**

You met with me in your office last month; I was the one worried about losing my job. That smile looked like more than just “being friendly to your constituents.” Well, I lost my job, but maybe I gained a friend (you)? It’s probably a shot in the dark if you’ll ever read this but my fingers are crossed anyway. Like you said, things have to start going my way sometime, right? Let me know.

 

Excerpted from The McSweeney’s Book of Politics & Musicals, edited by Christopher Monks. Copyright © 2012 by McSweeney’s.

Excerpted by permission of Vintage Books, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

 

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