These Are the Bands That Make You Totally Undateable

A couple of weeks back, our esteemed literary editor Emily Temple surveyed the books that might make you beat a hasty retreat if you saw them on a potential date’s bookshelf, or in their handbag. The post got plenty of heated comments, and it also got us thinking about the other place you might look to snoop on a date’s cultural credentials: their record collection (or, failing that, their iPod.) And so, as we did for books, we asked around Flavorpill central to find out which artists might, if discovered on a potential date’s playlist, put an end to that date pretty damn quickly. We received plenty of responses, and the entirely personal, subjective, and often hotly debated results await after the jump.

Bon Iver

Key quote: “We’re gonna have to talk about your feelings a lot, huh?”

Yes. And also probably have to endure lots of heartbroken pining for an ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend over dinner, an hour into which you’ll end up slipping out the front to “take a phone call” and surreptitiously fucking off to the subway. Save yourself the trouble, peoples.

Filed Under:

Post comment as twitter logo facebook logo
Sort: Newest | Oldest

@Spelunkenjenny - Ha! I'm on the same page as you; my only two objections were also that I love Amanda Palmer and that I absolutely own and regularly listen to the Lion King soundtrack. The thing is; I can actually understand people not being a fan of Amanda Palmer's music, but out of all the things to make fun of her for successfully crowd-funding her own album seems to be an odd thing to target. She manages to release music without having to get any studio interference at all and, far from 'charging $50 for a date', Amanda Palmer also does more appearances / performances / art lectures for FREE than most of her non-crowd-funded peers. I mean, I guess it's less of a cheap gag than 'Hur hur... She has funny eyebrows and hairy pits', but it's still a bit of a weird thing to diss her on.

How am I the first one on here to disagree on the RHCP being part of this list? I just saw them, it was fantastic and I have been playing them on a loop ever since. Other than that I'd say the only reason someone's taste in music would immediately classify them as undateable is if they only listen to one specific category and refuse to acknowledge the value of anything else.

@Brendan, I think you sound eminently datable :) But then I just used a smiley, so... People who hate Sigur Ros are generally so conditioned to lyric-driven music that they don't know how to interpret composition where the voice is just another instrument. Also little things like melody, instrumentation. I bet the people who nodded at Sigur Ros are the ones who got upset about the Katy Perry inclusion.

If you were a woman, you'd have added The Hold Steady.

Kind of suprised Swans didn't make this list as they are the ultimate "music to slit your wrists to"

Things that make you totally undateable: having music preferences as your deal breaker.

Sigur Ros is gibberish?? No it's not! all their lyrics are "You size-low, you so! You size low, you so!" Super easy to sing along to. ;) .....also i'm aware that my use of a winky face probably makes me more undatable than the fact i love sigur ros.

I totally love Disney songs. Awkward... On the other hand, I totally agree about Nickelback.

I like how, for all the bitching and complaining in the comments here, no one is defending NICKELBACK. And no one will. Some hope for humanity yet I think.

So, basically if you listen to music you are undateable?

I'm not here to defend Dave Matthews but for some unexplainable reason, hotties like him and the Foo Fighters .

even though i agree with most of these, these lists are fucking lame. i'm just picturing the holier-than-thou hipster assholes feeling mighty fine about themselves while they sit there writing this generalized piece of trash. ohh god, i'm so glad i live on an island in eastern canada away from the city centers that cultivate this type of hierarchical hipness. blardy yar har bagragragrararararar.

The only people you shouldn't date are people that make and live by lists like this... too pretentious and ignorant to give someone a chance because they have different music tastes. Guess what, dude? You probably have sucky taste in music according to someone else's standards too.

@Dan Bowles: Because Amanda Palmer has taken the idea of getting your audience to assist in your art and made it a laughing joke. She's an insult to everything crowd-funding stands for.

I agree with Real. What else can Chris do to redeem himself? He was a 19-year-old dumb a** who messed up. He and Rihanna had no history of domestic abuse; she never came out saying, "He was hitting me for months and I felt trapped." This was a one-time episode. Even Rihanna has forgiven him! People somehow have forgiven Huge Grant (soliciting a prostitute...I'm sure you don't like guys who encourage sex workers and/or proliferating the spread of STIs), Charlie Sheen (nuf said), celebs who have killed people (in self defense, by accident and beyond). Yet somehow Chris deserves to be skinned and quartered alive. Move on!

Laughed at the Dave Matthews comment. For those of us who who labs and well stocked tool sheds, have 2 children with interesting names, and are not married, we will just have to hide this fact from our dates until it's too late.

So, pretty much all music. Also, I don't think you guys understand what it means to appreciate something "ironically," because it's actually pretty stupid, as opposed to "I just like it, you know." I can't find anything wrong with "just liking" something. Unless, I guess, that something is racism or something. Whatever. You're all dumb bastards.

@Quentin You know what makes you really undateable - not having a sense of humor. Kudos Tom. very fun and funny collection and a shame a lot of readers of Flavorwire can't inherit the notion of sarcasm in humor. Probably think John Stewart is highly offensive too.

You know what really makes you undateable? Believing your music tastes are somehow superior to anyone elses.

Wow. I don't listen to much of this, yet im still undateable. Wow.

High five to Ali! I think Rush would qualify as "Dad rock". Is this list supposed to be for someone who has nothing BUT one of these types of music? I don't have one of these types of music exclusively, but I do have several of them and enjoy them (usually) sans irony. Then again, I am quite uncool and have stopped trying to be cool for years. I'm generally unfamiliar with anything released in the last five years, which doesn't appear to be a bad move.

So, what about my unhealthy obsession with Steely Dan? Too Dad-rock-y? They've released music since 2000!

Disagree Bon Iver - how can people who are emotional avaiable be undateable? They're the only ones we should be dating!

I don't understand the Amanda Palmer one. What's with the paying for sex comments? What does that have to do with her or her music? I've been a fan of hers for years and know her fanbase, this seems to have no tie-in that I have ever heard of. Random.

When there's a solution to Charlie Sheen, and the rest of his pack, then talk shit about Chris Brown. I have gotten tired of hearing just how fucked up he is, when there are a lot more misogynistic woman beating bastards walking about in R&R, Art, Acting, you name it. He has done all to redeem himself, and it looks like you all are calling for the death penalty. If Brown wasn't Brown,...

No country or house techno on here.

Hey, I have an idea. How about we *don't* judge people's datability based on highly subjective, groupthink musical snobbery/elitism. Cause, you know, people are allowed to like what they like and don't have to give a crap whether someone else has deemed it lame or unacceptable. That's the kind of person that *I* would rather date.

I can't date anybody who still takes Nirvana seriously. I draw the line at that. My hatred of Cobain is too close to my heart to let any fan in the area of my feelings.

SOMEONE agrees with me about Bon Iver! It's more or less listenable, but fuck is that music boring. +10000 on Sigur Ros, too.

I'm sexy as hell and I love Bon Iver, so screw you.

Why is Nickelback hate so trendy on the internet? It's not liket hey worst music I've ever heard?

wow you really dont have a very broad knowledge of music at all. Even to say there are no female jam band fanatics just proves that this whole article is a joke.

Amanda Palmer is my favorite singer! So thank god we don't "date" overseas ;) And by the way: CAAAAN YOU FEEEEL THE LOOOOOVE TONIIIIGHTT??? ;)

No Whitehouse or Prurient, we're good here (starts chainsaw).

I agree with most of these, but not Bon Iver at all. I find people who like Bon Iver to be very attractive, and I really think Bon Iver has a beautiful sound and beautiful lyrics, and if my partner wants to talk about their feelings, go the fuck for it!

"I’m not sure how you could leave The Fall off of this list." Because The Fall is one of the greatest bands of all-time. So fuck off!! :P I actually probably couldn't date someone who doesn't like The Fall.

I love the quote for Sigur Ros! I'm going to Airwaves with my buddy and he is in the former camp while I am in the latter (so I will not be joining him at that performance). Luckily, our friendship endures but we'll find out by how much come November.

Finally someone agrees with me about Sigur Ros. More power to ya!

I totally get the Dad rock thing (I also second the applause for the coin). I was a true blue Dad rocker up until the age of about 15, when I started checking out modern music and started approaching things in general with a more open mind. There is clearly something wrong with someone's taste if they don't think there's ANYTHING to find in music newer than the classics.

@your uncle - oh, I'm only too aware of my age, trust me

"Dad Jams" is a great name. I'm going to start using this, for serious.

This is a really stupid generalized list.

I am old enough to tell you that the Eagles are grand-dad rock. You Flavorwire writers are older than you think.

re: The dude literally used to write advertising jingles. I mean so did Salman Rushdie.

I'm not sure how you could leave The Fall off of this list.