No TV show says summer to us more than True Blood, its Southern Gothic atmosphere and pulpy pleasures providing the perfect complement to sweaty evenings spent drinking mint juleps at home after another exhausting day in the hot sun. But while we love the people — and supernatural creatures — of Bon Temps and want them to never, ever change, we’ve noticed over the years that Sookie, Bill, and co. have a tendency to annoy the crap out of us. So, in the spirit of good-natured complaining about a show that we actually adore, every week this season we’ll be shouting out the three characters who drove us craziest, and also anointing the episode’s single most campily awesome character. Find out who made us groan this time, when Lafayette healed himself in a somewhat worrisome way and we learned that Einstein was half fairy, below.
The Week’s Most Annoying Characters
1. Luna: Wow. Where do we even start? Luna kicked off the episode by freaking out at Sam (“They’re everywhere!”), seemingly with no awareness that he has actually been a pretty big hero for the past several weeks, sniffing out and taking down the hate-group scum who might well do her harm. But this outburst paled in comparison to what happened when Luna shifted into Sam, and we had to watch Sam Trammell sashay and simper in a cringe-worthy imitation of a woman. By the time Sam was sprawled out on Sam’s lap whining, “You hate me,” we had to admit to being guilty as charged.
2. Hoyt: Oh, sure, he helped Jessica escape at the last minute. But not before letting her suffer the terror of kidnapping and the pain of silver and the threat of True Death at the hands of his repulsive pals for hours, all because she cheated on him with Jason. And he’s still playing the victim when they part ways, leaving her with a big, “Fuck you, Jess.” Grow up, Hoyt.
3. Bill: After his wild and crazy night of tripping on Lilith’s blood, Bill has apparently been converted to the Sanguinista cause. Once a poster boy for mainstreaming, he’s cooking up plans to bomb True Blood factories and force vampires to feed on humans again. He says he’s “evolving,” but Eric — who’s had a post-Godric attack of conscience — knows better.
The Week’s Most Awesome Character
Pam: We wondered if Pam was going soft when she apologized for Tara’s rudeness and paid for her old high-school enemy’s drink. Um, nope. “My mad face and my happy face are the same,” she explains, revealing that she’s got the racist woman chained up in the basement, where she has hypnotized her into becoming Tara’s blood-slave. Best. Mom. Ever.