Meet the TV Monkey Who Makes More Per Episode Than Mario Batali

In large, TV Guide Magazine‘s annual survey of television stars’ salaries is a soul killing, if rather predictable, reminder of how much more money you’d be making if only you’d decided that you wanted to be Ashton Kutcher when you grew up. Or Mark Harmon. Or Judy Judy. But there was one thing about the reported numbers that we found a bit surprising: Crystal the Monkey — a Hollywood vet who you might recognize from her previous roles in the Night at the Museum movies or The Hangover: Part II — will earn a whopping $12,000 per episode for her work on NBC’s new show Animal Practice. That’s a lot of money for one capuchin to spend. It’s also double what Mario Batali gets paid for his co-hosting gig on ABC’s daytime talk show, The Chew, a fact which has to make him want to hurl an orange clog at someone’s head. Click through to check out additional highlights from each category of the TV Guide survey; for the complete lists, you’ll need to pick up a copy of the mag.

Drama (per episode)
Mark Harmon (NCIS): $500,000
Ellen Pompeo (Grey’s Anatomy): $350,000
Kevin Bacon (The Following): $175,000
Lucy Liu (Elementary): $125,000
Stephen Amell (Arrow): $30,000

Comedy (per episode)
Ashton Kutcher (Two and a Half Men): $700,000
Kaley Cuoco (The Big Bang Theory): $300,000
Modern Family Adult Cast: $175,000 each
Lea Michele (Glee): $75,000
Crystal the Monkey (Animal Practice): $12,000

Late Night (per year)
David Letterman: $28 million
Jay Leno: $25 million
Jon Stewart: $16 million
Craig Ferguson: $8 million
Chelsea Handler: $8 million

Daytime/Syndication (per year)
Judy Sheindlin (Judge Judy): $45 million
Joe Brown (Judge Joe Brown): $20 million
Kelly Ripa (Live! With Kelly): $20 million
Sherri Shepherd (The View): $1.5 million
Mario Batali (The Chew): $6,000 per episode

Mariah Carey (American Idol): $17 million per season
Howard Stern (America’s Got Talent): $15 million per season
Pauly DelVecchio (Jersey Shore): $175,000 per episode
Betty White (Off Their Rockers): $50,000 per episode
Landry Family (Swamp People): $25,000 per episode

News (per year)
Matt Lauer (Today): $21.5 million
Bill O’Reilly (The O’Reilly Factor): $15 million
Diane Sawyer (ABC World News): $12 million
Anderson Cooper (Anderson Cooper 360 and Anderson Live): $11 million
Robin Meade (HLN anchor): $750,000

[via Uproxx]