Every Friday here at Flavorwire, we like to gather up the week’s new movie trailers, give them a look-see, and rank them from worst to best — while taking a guess or two about what they might tell us (or hide from us) about the movies they’re promoting. We’ve got eight new trailers for you this week, featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Channing Tatum, Sylvester Stallone, Christopher Walken, Colin Farrell, Chris Hemsworth, Olivia Wilde, Rosario Dawson, Eric Bana, Justin Long, Paul Dano, and more; check ‘em all out after the jump, and share your thoughts in the comments.
The Last Stand/Bullet to the Head
In hopes of latching on to the Expendables 2 buzz, Warner Brothers and Lionsgate have released trailers for their upcoming respective Stallone and Schwarzenegger features, and, well, let’s just say we’re gonna stand by what we said yesterday: these guys are past their expiration dates. Schwarzenegger’s Last Stand looks like the better of the two (but barely), a tired formula effort that tries badly for levity by acknowledging that, yes, ha ha, Arnold’s old. (Too old for this shit? It’s left unsaid, shockingly.) Stallone’s Bullet to the Head has the feel of the direct-to-video efforts he kept popping up in post-CopLand: overdone plot (they killed his partner? Really?), exhausted “buddy” byplay, and a star who doesn’t realize that his strangulated readings of lines like “I’m a people person!” and “I just did” have long crossed the line into self-parody. Both trailers are sort of sad and desperate, and are hard to read any other way.