Don’t Quit Your Day Job: 9 Celebs Who Should Stay Out of Movies (And 1 Who Shouldn’t)

I don’t know about you, but I had just managed to line up a babysitter and get a group of my 20 closest friends together to see Freelancers — the long-awaited re-teaming of Righteous Kill stars 50 Cent and Robert DeNiro — and wouldn’t you know it, poof, it’s gone from theaters. But have no fear, dear friends: it arrives on DVD and Blu-ray tomorrow, a full week and a half after its theatrical release.

Yes, Fiddy is at it again, and he’s not the only celebrity who insists that his talent in music (or athletics, or comedy, or whatever) means that the natural next stop is movie stardom. Though there are countless examples to the contrary — Madonna, Mariah Carey, Dennis Rodman, Michael Jordan, Vanilla Ice, etc. — they keep trying to cross over, usually without success. After the jump, nine celebs from the world of music, comedy, and sports who have got to give up the movies… and one more who shouldn’t.

50 Cent

There is some room for interpretation and opinion in some of our later artists, folks whose failure on the big screen has perhaps been a mix of limited skills and poor opportunities, but there’s no getting around this one: 50 Cent cannot act. He’s had plenty of opportunities to prove otherwise; he made his debut in Get Rich or Die Tryin’ under the direction of multiple Oscar nominee Jim Sheridan (who guided Daniel Day-Lewis to his first Oscar), and has appeared with the likes of Robert De Niro (twice now!), Al Pacino, Samuel L. Jackson, Val Kilmer, Forest Whitaker, and Kiefer Sutherland. Nothing has rubbed off — he’s a stunningly unaccomplished actor, his comically wooden line readings barely audible thanks to his mush-mouthed diction, his face and eyes a dead, dull void. But he keeps cranking his (mostly straight-to-video) projects out, producing most of them himself via his G-Unit Films moniker — and even, yes, writing his own vehicles (All Things Fall Apart, the astonishingly terrible-looking cancer drama trailered above, flowed from Fiddy’s own pen). He has, according to IMDb, five more acting projects in the pipeline. His fall 2012 album, meanwhile, is his first in three years.