20

What Your Clichéd Band Name Says About You

Apart from seeing a bazillion bands over the course of four days, one of the fun parts of the CMJ Music Marathon is giggling at all the silly band names. Every year bands seem to want to outdo one another as far as outlandish names go — our pick this year is Vagina Panther, with strong competition from Electric Umbilical Cord and Kung Fu Crimewave — and after a while, you start to notice that the same words crop up again and again. What can it all mean? We’ve applied our highly scientific stereotyping technique to some of the most fashionable band name words of 2012 — so now, if you want to go and see Wild Magic Bear or Psychic Dirty Moon or Ghost Beach (spoiler: at least one of these names is real), you’ll know exactly what to expect. Also, if two or more of these words feature in one band name, you can be sure that the band in question a) is most likely from Brooklyn and b) had their name chosen by their PR company.

Kids/Teen/Young/Youth

This year’s offenders: Platinum Kids, Unicorn Kid (above), Rich Kids, LIL KIDS, Teenage Kicks, Teen Daze, Teen Commandments, Young Ladies, Young Hines, Young Evils, The Young Things, Young Unknowns, Young Magic, Choir of Young Believers, Young Heel, Young Adults, Your Youth, Diamond Youth, Reptile Youth

What it’s supposed to mean: “We are exuberant and youthful and joyous and etc. All the blogs will love us!”

What it actually means: “We are regretting this already and will be regretting it even more if we are still together in 10 years’ time.”

See also: Kids of 88, Black Kids, Cold War Kids, Young the Giant, and, of course, Sonic Youth