The Live Feed reports that MTV is doing a horror movie that’s brilliantly titled Super Psycho Sweet 16. Here’s a description: “Madison Penrose gets everything she wants, including her wish to re-open the desolate Rollerdome for her sweet sixteen party. The site of several grisly murders a decade earlier, things become ‘psycho’ when the killer returns to crash her party.” A snippet from Flavorpill’s proposed script for the project after the jump.
Madison Penrose: Madison wants a pony. Madison wants Santa Claus. Madison wants to keep referring to herself in the 3rd person until she no longer has a single definable identity. Madison wants to get rich or die tryin’.
Mrs. Penrose: But Madison, no one has been allowed inside of the old Rollerdome since— (gasps, bringing a well-manicured hand to her mouth)
Madison Penrose: Since what mother? What are you not telling me? Is that where I was conceived? You know I’ve always been curious…
Mrs. Penrose: Don’t worry your pretty little head about it darling. You’ll wrinkle.
Madison Penrose: People are normally jealous of me because I’m pretty. They’re also jealous of Ollie. Not every hamster can afford grills.
Mrs. Penrose: That’s right dear.
Madison Penrose: Will you shut up for like 10 seconds?! And you wonder how I grew up to be such a bitch!
Mrs. Penrose: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE YOUNG LADY!!!!!!
Madison Penrose: (sobs uncontrollably, throws favorite bracelet on the ground, steps on it frustration)
Mrs. Penrose: I…I’m sorry sweetie. I don’t know what came over me. I get rather sensitive about the old Rollerdome. It’s where I had my Sweet Sixteen, all those years ago…
Madison Penrose: (instantly stops crying) Yay! So you’ll tell me now?? See, we’re not so different after all.
Mrs. Penrose: Your father and I have tried to shelter you from the truth long enough, but I can see that it is causing more harm than good…Eight of my friends were killed that night by a masked murderer. He was never captured, and fortunately, he never struck again.
Madison Penrose: OMGG!! SYRSLYY??
Mrs. Penrose: Yes dear.
Madison Penrose: That’s sooo perf. My friends are totally into “death.” We like the sight of blood. We like reading about how our new boy-toy, Edward, likes to lap it up with his sexy vampire tongue!
Mrs. Penrose: You know how much I love Twilight, Maddy, but this is a much more serious issue…we’re talking about real people, not fiction.
Madison Penrose: Whateverrrrr. We need to get the invitations ready. I want them to be ice sculptures. But not just any ice sculptures — Gatorade ice sculptures. It’s just practical. And eco-friendly, no?
Mrs. Penrose: As you wish…
Madison Penrose: And a car. Actually, no, cars are so last season. I want to personally deliver on a chariot. Made of people. I will sit on them, they will carry me. I will direct them, they will obey. I can even straighten their hair if I want. Got it?
Mrs. Penrose: Don’t you think that’s a little much? Remember the last time we had people carry you?
Madison Penrose: How was I supposed to know I couldn’t use him as toilet paper? He needed to get with the new age. He need to get down with the M-A-D-P.
Mrs. Penrose: Is that what they call you these days, Mad-P?
Madison Penrose: Yes mommy. Among other things. Also, the P doesn’t stand for Penrose.