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New episodes of USA Network’s White Collar — our favorite series that follows the exploits of a con man’s (Matt Bomer) adjunct assignment with an FBI Special Agent (Tim DeKay) — are right around the corner, and to celebrate, we’ve been amusing ourselves of late composing guides to conning your way through various conversational topics. This time around, it’s sports, a topic that can be downright intimidating if you find yourself stuck by the fridge at a party with a couple of avowed sports fanatics. But never fear, because we’re here to help — so if you don’t know your first down from your first base or your offside from your backside, then read on!

Choose a team

OK, so, first things first: it’s of course perfectly acceptable to be an allegiance-free sports fan, just appreciating your chosen game for its inherent entertainment value, but if you’re just looking to fake your way through a conversation, the easiest way is to embrace sport’s innate tribalism. We suggest picking either your local team, or a relatively obscure mid-table team with an interesting history and reasonably devoted fanbase. Check the team’s results on the web, then sympathize with fellow fans when your adopted team sucks, and slap them on the back when the team wins. Easy.