10 Things That Suck About Being Joan From Mad Men

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You might assume that it’s easy being Joan Holloway, Mad Men‘s resident redheaded bombshell. We’ve got ten reasons why you’re wrong.

1. It takes you 10 times longer the any other cast member to walk across the office. Blame it on the camera’s obsessions with your retreating hourglass figure.
2. You think evaluating your “strengths” in the mirror while wearing nothing but a paper bag is a normal. In fact, you recommend it to female coworkers.
3. You feel like Shirley MacLaine’s character in The Apartment. She attempted suicide. You also feel like Marilyn Monroe. She succeeded.

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4. After he has a heart attack, you have to put makeup on Roger’s cheeks to help mask his “condition.” This is while you’re listening to him jabber on about how his affair with you is definitely not a mistake.
5. You ignore your roommate Carol’s awkward sexual advances. Then you hook up with an unattractive guy just to prove how not interested in her you are.
6. You listen to Peggy whine about not being included as she rises the ranks and explain the obvious: It’s because she needs to stop dressing like a little girl. You also referred her to a doctor who prescribes contraceptives to single gals. It’s obvious she never listens.
7. Your fiancé is upset to discover that you’re more experienced in the bedroom than he is, so he rapes you in your boss’s office. You’re 31 and he’s a doctor. You will marry him anyway.

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8. You’re excellent at vetting scripts, but Harry hires a man to do the job instead of promoting you into the role from office manager. You’ve worked at Sterling Cooper for nine years.
9. Your ex Roger is engaged to Jane, the secretary you fired for being pretty and more fun than you. You guys should throw competing parties to help you get over it.
10. John Hooker.