Hilarious, Scathing Netflix and Amazon Reviews of Terrence Malick Movies

Terrence Malick’s latest movie, To the Wonder, hits theaters this week, and there are few filmmakers today whose work inspires as much fierce advocacy among movie lovers. But for all the hyperbolic praise of his films, there are bound to be those who see them as muddled, indecipherable, or inexplicable. We’re not saying his movies are without flaws — but they tend to inspire some rather hilarious vitriol in anonymous public forums, so it’s time to return to one of our favorite sources for unsolicited film criticism, Netflix reviews, to see what people have to say about his films. This time, we checked in with the folks on Amazon as well. The best of what we found is after the jump.

The Tree of Life (2011)

Netflix reviews:

“This was THE worst movie I have ever seen. Don’t watch it — it is awful, sooooo long and boring!!!!”

“This was the worst movie ever, it’s so bad, it’s hard to even make it funny with one liners. Rated B for Boring.”

“Imagine the opening of TVs ‘Big Bang Theory’ only extended 40 minutes.”

“Some scenes were too long, and the photography and music couldn’t overcome the length of the movie. My sister might like this. But I’m not her.”

Nothing like airing a little familial dysfunction on Netflix, eh?

“Ridiculously depressing. Where’s the tree of life in all this?? I have NO idea! It’s like the tree of death, and more death!”

This reviewer is going to be really pissed when he/she finds out they never arrive at The Wonder in his new movie.

“This was among the worst movies I have ever seen in my life.. I think the only way to appreciate it would be completely drunk or passed out..for some kind of background noise.. We tried. Fast forwarded through 20 min worth of space video… Neither myself nor my husband could take it anymore so we had to stop the movie… No thank you artsy fartsy!!!”

That’s Mr. Artsy Fartsy to you.