In Case You Hadn’t Noticed, Dan Brown Is Really Freaking Weird

Dan Brown’s newest much snickered-at mega-blockbuster novel hit shelves this week, and all the ensuing publicity for the author should be reminding you of something: Dan Brown is a really, really weird dude. Sure, he’s a writer, and writers often have strange habits. But, as the evidence below proves, Brown is a head above the rest — whether that head is upside down or not.

He sings soft-rock songs about phone sex.

Apparently, before he hit the big time as a writer, Dan Brown was a terrible, terrible soft rocker who released two actual albums. This was in the early ’90s, when saxophones and lyrics like “I take you to bed and push the phone to my head / You make me feel like a man” were mildly more acceptable than they are today — but still. Below, an excerpt from his song “976 Love,” which is from the album Dan Brown and is about phone sex.

He lives in a specially designed, secret passageway-filled castle.

Just watch:

He hangs upside down to help himself think.

According to the Guardian, when Brown gets stuck, he slaps on a pair of gravity boots and hangs upside down for a while in a special frame to get the juices flowing. He says that the inversion therapy “does help. You’ve just got to relax and let go. The more you do it the more you let go. And then soon it’s just, wow.”

He tells time via hourglass.

In addition to his bat-like tendencies, Brown keeps a rather anachronistic timepiece on his desk to remind him when it’s stretching time. He explains, “If I’m not at my desk by sunrise, I feel like I’m missing my most productive hours. In addition to starting early, I keep an antique hourglass on my desk and every hour break briefly to do push-ups, sit-ups and quick stretches. This helps keep the blood, and ideas, flowing.”