Stereotyping You By Your Favorite Music Festival

In the music industry, summer means one thing: festivals. Lots of festivals. Gazillions of festivals. So many festivals, in fact, that the choice of which to attend is kinda overwhelming. Thankfully, Flavorwire is here to help! Well, sort of, anyway — we figured it was time to break out our patented Stereotyping Technique™ and apply it to the bewildering array of festivals on offer, giving a convenient roundup of the people to whom various events will appeal. As ever, this is all in fun, and as ever, our own stereotype is on here. See if you can guess which one it is.

Warped Tour
Angry kids with dyed black hair, multiple facial piercings, and a loving parent to pick them up after the show.

Lollapalooza
Gen Y types who still read Spin magazine online.

Governors Ball
New Yorkers who have purchased a pair of expensive Hunter boots in the last couple of days, which shall remain at the back of the wardrobe until this time next year, “just in case.”

Northside
New Yorkers who have not purchased such boots and, truth be told, are kinda sniggering at the people who did.

Outside Lands
Indecisive types who like to take a little of everything at the buffet.

Telluride Bluegrass Festival
Men who own banjos.

Sasquatch
Aesthetes who are very concerned about the view when choosing a hotel room.

Mountain Jam
“Conscious” types who guard their marijuana dispensary card with their lives.

Laneway
People from Australia who are very nervous about the possibility of getting shot.

CMJ
Hollow-eyed music journalists who have lost the ability to metabolize caffeine.

Rock the Bells
White people who enjoy hip hop.

Made in America
White people who like the idea of enjoying hip hop.

Burning Man
Burners. Obviously.

Newport Folk Festival
Kindly well-meaning boomers who get upset when they read about how their generation has comprehensively fucked the planet.

Coachella
Girls who just can’t see what the big deal is about wearing those Native American headdresses, anyway. They’re cute!

Bumbershoot
People who didn’t make it to Coachella.

Bonnaroo
Young men in shorts, with beards.

Gathering of the Vibes
Middle-aged men in shorts, with beards.

Mountain Oasis
Confused and slightly terrified Neutral Milk Hotel fans.

Electric Forest
✧*:✧*: (✿◠‿◠) RAVERS (◠‿◠✿) :*✧:*✧

Electric Daisy
Bros who fancy themselves as ravers.

Electric Zoo
Bros who fancy themselves as ravers and clearly didn’t go to Governors Ball.

Summerfest
People who like the idea of making a pilgrimage to the spiritual home of PBR.

Monterey Jazz Festival
The same people who have been going for the last four decades.

Mayhem
Large, muscular men who make only cursory apologies for kicking you in the head when crowd-surfing.

Austin City Limits
Veteran Texans who stare blankly when you mention South by Southwest.

Austin Psych Fest
Veteran trippers who stare blankly when you mention… well, anything at all, really.

Pitchfork
Well, we’re not going to say that word. See? We didn’t say it.

South by Southwest
People who run marathons for fun.

Gathering of the Juggalos
Oh go on, guess.