‘True Blood’ Season 6 Premiere Recap: Which Character Drove Us Craziest This Week?

Yesssssssss True Blood is back! TV’s greatest ongoing bait-and-switch returns for another reason — lest we forget, the show’s first season promised to be some sort of vaguely serious exploration of what it might mean if vampires really were part of society, before taking a sharp left turn into the sort of high camp supernatural soap opera that allegedly highbrow TV aficionados can’t quite believe they find themselves addicted to watching. People like your correspondent, for instance. This season Flavorwire will be adopting various approaches to recapping the show, but for now, let’s stick with last season’s format, because with a new season comes a whole slew of new storylines, new characters… and new annoyances. So, who irritated us most last night? Read on, True Blood suckers…

Pam

1. Pam
The doyenne of awesomeness of the show’s past four seasons was nowhere to be seen, save for a short standoff with armored police goons late in the episode. Pam has always had an hidden vulnerability to her — it’s part of what makes such an endearing, three-dimensional character — but suddenly she’s gone from being the take-no-shit proprietor of Fangtasia to a lovesick, sobbing sad sack. The scene where Tara asked her if she wanted to be “Eric Northman’s punching bag for the rest of eternity” had your correspondent cheering.

2. Andy
One episode in and I’m already predicting the Andy-and-the-fairy-babies plotline as this season’s cue to go and make a cup of tea while you wait for the vampires to return.

3. Alcide
Also on the extraneous storylines front — sure, nekkid Alcide and his similarly deshabille bitches (their term, not mine) provide plentiful eye candy, and sure, True Blood has been playing with the idea of its own ridiculousness for several seasons now. But still, surely we could do better than Mr. Chiseled Torso eating a human arm and then having a threesome in the forest?

This Week’s Most Awesome Character

Lafayette

Lafayette: He was only in the episode for about two minutes and still managed to steal the show. Hopefully the entire lame Jesús-‘n’-brujoism plotline has been left behind for this season, because it was most excellent indeed to see him back to being the joyously flamboyant fashion icon and dispenser of one-liners we grew to love in seasons past. “Wrong place at the wrong fuckin’ time oughta be my middle fuckin’ name,” he told Sam at one point — true, that, but let’s hope he doesn’t become the new Tara, where every season is an exercise in finding a different way for him to be fucked over.