A Selection of Entirely Serious Predictions About This Year’s Grammy Performance Controversies

God knows the performances get worse every year, so the most interesting thing about watching awards shows these days is seeing who’s going to do something controversial and/or generally boneheaded, whether in a deliberate attempt to court publicity, or just because they’re drunk and coked out of their minds. In entirely unrelated news, it’s the Grammys this weekend! We will be covering the event live on Sunday night — pray for our music editor — but in the meantime, here’s a series of completely, 100 percent serious and not at all facetious predictions as to what this year’s performers might do to get the fires of internet outrage started.

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Daft Punk with Nile Rodgers, Pharrell Williams, and Stevie Wonder

The performance turns out to be an extended medley of songs from Random Access Memories. As Thomas Bangalter’s solo on a very expensive and totally authentic vintage analog synth extends into its 27th minute, the performers are lassoed and dragged off stage while the show cuts to an unscheduled commercial break. Much of the following day’s debate centers on the entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir who were scheduled to perform the final chorus of “Get Lucky,” and the fact that they were denied their moment in the spotlight.