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The Internet Knows Far Less Than It Thinks About the Beyoncé-Solange-Jay Z Fight

As the poet Fabolous once wrote, “You dunno bout it.” Such is the case with this week’s Bey/Jay/Solange drama, which essentially boils down to the Internet doing this:

Bill-Hader-Popcorn-reaction-Gif-On-The-Daily-Show

But as another cultural beacon proclaimed, “You think you know, but you have no idea.” It’s true! We think we know what’s going on with the Knowles-Carter family based on rumors, surveillance tapes, Instagram, subtweets, even Destiny’s Children. As Mulder and Scully would say, the truth is out there. But we’re not going to find it on the Internet, at least not right now. We need to stop grappling for answers in misinformation. But how can I shame others for doing the same thing I’m guilty of at the moment? So here is what we think we know about the Beyoncé, Jay Z, and Solange feud. (I promise I won’t Voxsplain who Solange is. If you don’t know who she is at this point, you don’t deserve the Internet.)

1. There was a fight. 

We all know this part, and we have the video to prove it. Solange physically attacked Jay Z in an elevator following the Met Gala last week (May 5), while Bey stood on the sidelines. Surveillance footage, via TMZ, below:

2. There was a Rihanna after-party.

An unnamed sources, via the New York Daily News, claimed that Rihanna had a Met Gala after-party that Jay Z announced he would be attending sans Beyoncé. This supposedly set off Solange, who questioned why Jay would need to go to the club to hang with one of his protegées sans wifey. There was also something about Solange’s non-famous friends dropping Jay’s name at the Met Gala. I don’t buy any of this one bit.

3. There were harsh words between Solange and Rachel Roy.

People “reported,” via unnamed sources, that Solange had a dust-up with fashion designer Rachel Roy at the Met Ball after-party. Jezebel assumes a lot by “connecting the dots” between the Knowles-Carter clan and the former Roy-Damon Dash union, tossing in an unsubstantiated rumor that Roy and Jay Z previously dated. If you’re sourcing Wendy Williams theories for corroboration, reevaluate everything. Straight fucked.

4. There were drinks.

You guys, Solange had ALCOHOL at this after-party.

5. There was a wedding. 

Kelly Rowland reportedly got married on Friday in a small ceremony in Costa Rica. Solange and Bey both attended. Multiple unnamed sources over Kelly marrying her manager? Why so secret?

6. There was a Michelle Williams subtweet. 

The third Destiny’s Child was supposedly at the Rowland wedding. Solange favorited the tweet. This probably does not factor in at all, despite what some are saying.

7. There was a Nets Game.

Jay Z and Beyoncé went to the Brooklyn Nets game on Saturday night. Jay is, of course, a Nets co-owner, so they turn up courtside on occasion. Jake Gyllenhaal was there with his questionable ponytail. This proves absolutely nothing, except that Jay and Bey sometimes talk with their hands.

8. There was an Instagram thing with Solange. 

A bunch of legitimate websites — like TIMENew York Gawker, and Rolling Stone — showed that they don’t follow Solange on Instagram by “reporting” that she deleted a bunch of photos of Bey after the elevator incident. As MTV and BuzzFeed have pointed out, Solange did delete the image of her with Lupita Nyong’o and Beyonce from the Met Gala. But that appears to be it. There are still at least four pics of Bey on Solange’s Insta, including a few from their Jamaica trip five months ago and the one below. Solange isn’t one to Insta her sister, probably because Solange lives in New Orleans.

8. There was an Instagram thing with Beyoncé. 

Beyoncé spent the morning Instagramming and Tumbling photos of Solange and her together through the years. She also Instagrammed a photo (below) with Rihanna at the Met Gala last week (no caption). It’s an interesting way for Bey to squash rumors, given how guarded she’s previously been on her social media accounts. Her Tumblr and her Instagram are filled with gorgeous depictions of her fantasy life, though. This seems to be an extension of that.

9. There was a tattoo removed.

A few weeks ago, Bey posted a photo of herself with a Band-Aid on her left ring finger, where she has an IV tattoo. The ink supposedly represents her anniversary with Jay, as well as both of their birthdays. Here’s a pic of itJezebel points out that photos from the Nets game show that Bey’s ring finger is now pink and tattoo-less. If this meant she and Jay were on the rocks, don’t you think she’d have the foresight to continue to wear a Band-Aid?

10. There was a prayer.

Bey posted this on her Instagram last week, after the elevator tiff but before the press caught wind of it.

11. There was jewelry shopping.

TMZ claims that Solange and Jay Z went jewelry shopping together at a place in NYC called Mr. Flawless yesterday, but bought nothing. Solange’s rep says she wasn’t in New York, a claim that’s corroborated by tweets from Monday morning in which Solange was praising Delta for an exceptional flight back home to New Orleans (wait, people tweet nice things to @Delta?). Solange was, for sure, in NYC over the weekend performing at the Vulture Festival.

12. There was a funny, foreshadowing Tweet from 2009.

Do you feel like you are any closer to the truth? What’s that? No? Yeah, me neither.

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