With X-Men: Days of Future Past hitting theaters this weekend and showing the world how super-cool superpowers can save the world (and also save a motley crew of friendships), now seemed like the perfect time to take a look at some lesser superhero powers. As the co-author of a book about teens with lame superpowers — The Misshapes, available in October — I wanted to see what the geniuses of Marvel, DC, and beyond came up with when they were bored and punchy. With 80-plus years of the American comic book industry available, there’s a terrible superpower for nearly every day of the week.
Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man (First appearance: Doom Patrol Vol. 1 #89, August 1964)
A Swedish supervillain who battles the Doom Patrol, Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man can change any part of his body into any animal, vegetable, or mineral. How’d he get these powers? He fell into a vat of amino acids.