Ah, yes, celebrities: they’re just like us. Which means some of them are just as annoying as your aunt on Facebook, as unnecessarily cranky as your old college roommate on Twitter, and as insufferable as your #humblebrag colleague on Instagram. They’re basically The Worst, with the icing on the cake being that they have a built-in web audience since they’re celebrities. Here’s a guide to the worst offenders, from Ted Nugent to Jason Biggs to Rihanna.
First, though:
RUNNERS-UP FOR ALL-AROUND “UGH”-NESS: Patton Oswalt, Donald Trump, Amanda Palmer, Cher (if you’re not in the mood for all-caps dispatches you can’t be sure weren’t butt-tweets).
THE BULLY: Azealia Banks (@AZEALIABANKS)
THE DAMAGE: Banks uses her overactive account to beef with eeeeeveryone, only later to delete her meanest dispatches. I mean, Stereogum made a Top 10 list of Azealia’s Twitter-fueled feuds last year alone. Which is your favorite? Mine’s her theory that the Stone Roses conspired with her former tour manager to ruin one of her live shows.
SAMPLE POSTS:
THE RIGHT-WING RANTER: Ted Nugent (@TedNugent)
THE DAMAGE: In the last week, classic rocker Ted Nugent has posted 26 Facebook updates, nine of which included pictures of bloody animals he killed and/or the guns he used to do so. Keep in mind, this man is promoting a new album, and yet he has this much time to campaign mercilessly for gun rights. Twitter is mostly the same, only more typos and full-blown political rants, and fewer pics of dead animals.
SAMPLE POSTS:
RUNNERS-UP: Firefly actor Adam Baldwin, who — to name just one incident — compared gay marriage to incest; Wheel of Fortune host Pat Sajak, who tweets about conservative social politics in a way that’s not always PC (also: bad jokes)
https://twitter.com/patsajak/statuses/457159548185628672
THE PRICK: Judd Apatow (@JuddApatow)
THE DAMAGE: Judd Apatow is not above arguing on the Internet, so oh boy is Twitter the platform for him. He’s proven himself to be petty, condescending, and a bit of a know-it-all. Honestly, why waste your time telling a dude with eight followers that his opinions about your movie don’t matter because he only has eight followers?
SAMPLE POSTS:
RUNNER-UP: Seth Rogen
THE TROLL: Rihanna (@rihanna)
The artist formerly known as @badgalriri was legendary on Instagram, all blunts and bikinis. But on Twitter? Rihanna can be sneakily vicious towards any and all haters with a tool greater than straight vitriol as far as the web’s concerned: trolling. Rub Ri-Ri the wrong way and she’ll turn you into a meme, like she did with the high schooler who imitated a look of hers for prom, or with TLC when they slut-shamed her recently (below). There are also less clever tactics, like calling those critical of her ugly, which came out full force when Rihanna reunited with Chris Brown (those were dark social media times for Ri).
SAMPLE POSTS:
https://twitter.com/rihanna/status/173220593594929153%20
THE CREEP: James Franco (@jamesfrancotv)
THE DAMAGE: Besides lurking for barely legal hookups on Instagram, professional slashie James Franco has used his feed to post lecherous underwear selfies. The worst part? They’re not even hot.
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RUNNER-UP: John Popper from Blues Traveler (based on this incident alone)
THE ASSHOLE WHO THINKS HE’S FUNNY: Jason Biggs (@JasonBiggs)
THE DAMAGE: Jason Biggs likes to livetweet The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, which seems like it should be harmless enough. Nope, turns out Biggs’ insensitivity is in no finer form than when he sounds off in thoroughly unfunny fashion about so-called “ugly” or “gay” contestants (not to mention the contestant who died before the show’s airing).
SAMPLE POSTS:
https://twitter.com/JasonBiggs/status/440708607563165696
RUNNER-UP: Most comedians
THE OVERLY COIFFED BRAGGART: Beyoncé (@beyonce)
THE DAMAGE: Hear me out. I love following Beyoncé on Tumblr and Instagram, but I also love to hate how perfect she makes “#mylife” and “#mywork” out to be. The brilliance of celebrity social media is that it gives us a candid glimpse into the personalities of stars we would otherwise never know, like the way Sarah Jessica Parker — with her blurry eyeball avatar — just does not get Twitter. Bey tries to make social media play by her rules, and this is the one arena where her glossy showmanship does not work. The only time her feed felt unfiltered was when she addressed the Solange-Jay Z beef by posting Instas of her sister.
SAMPLE POSTS:
RUNNER-UP: Gwyneth Paltrow