Bad Poets of Pop Culture: A Brief Survey

Are you a bad poet? Are your rhymes ridiculous? Your meter mediocre? Your enjambments a joke? Well, take heart, gentle friend: you’re not alone. Some of the best characters in fiction of all kinds also happen to be terrible poets — whether their deficiency is played for laughs (or tears) or whether they’re actually so bad they’re kind of good. Hey, something to aspire to! After the jump, a brief survey of some of the best bad poets in pop culture. Add any favorites missing here to the list in the comments.

Spike-Angry

Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Well, duh. Back in 1880, Spike was just William — William the Bloody, that is, named after his “bloody awful” poetry. He attempted to use it to woo a young lady, but was thoroughly shot down. And can you blame her? Here’s the thing now:

My soul is wrapped in harsh repose,
midnight descends in raven-colored clothes,
but soft…behold!
A sunlight beam
cutting a swath of glimmering gleam.
My heart expands,
’tis grown a bulge in it,
inspired by your beauty…
effulgent.

That might be worse than a stake through the heart. Then again, Angel always secretly liked Spike’s poetry. Then again again, Angel likes Barry Manilow.