Bad Poets of Pop Culture: A Brief Survey

Are you a bad poet? Are your rhymes ridiculous? Your meter mediocre? Your enjambments a joke? Well, take heart, gentle friend: you’re not alone. Some of the best characters in fiction of all kinds also happen to be terrible poets — whether their deficiency is played for laughs (or tears) or whether they’re actually so bad they’re kind of good. Hey, something to aspire to! After the jump, a brief survey of some of the best bad poets in pop culture. Add any favorites missing here to the list in the comments.


Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Well, duh. Back in 1880, Spike was just William — William the Bloody, that is, named after his “bloody awful” poetry. He attempted to use it to woo a young lady, but was thoroughly shot down. And can you blame her? Here’s the thing now:

My soul is wrapped in harsh repose,
midnight descends in raven-colored clothes,
but soft…behold!
A sunlight beam
cutting a swath of glimmering gleam.
My heart expands,
’tis grown a bulge in it,
inspired by your beauty…

That might be worse than a stake through the heart. Then again, Angel always secretly liked Spike’s poetry. Then again again, Angel likes Barry Manilow.