9 Real-Life Women Who Would END Christian Grey

They just don’t make sadists like they used to. Whereas once we had the Marquis de Sade — whose work is currently the subject of not one but two exhibitions in Paris — the 21st century’s most prominent dominant is Christian friggin’ Grey, the sub-Patrick Bateman protagonist of E.L. James’ Fifty Shades trilogy. Grey is to bondage what Robert Pattinson is to vampires, and frankly, it’s hard to imagine his oh-so-mesmeric personality exerting a hold over any but the most basic bitches of BDSM. In deference to Sade, we amused ourselves thinking about some real-life women who would have Grey for breakfast.

BettyDavis2

Betty Davis

Christian Grey: “Come, I want to show you my playroom.” [opens door]
Betty Davis: “Oh, you have velvet handcuffs and a cute little riding crop?”
Christian Grey: “I have all manner of—”
Betty Davis: “I HAVE A TURQUOISE CHAIN, BITCH.”
Christian Grey: “…”
Betty Davis: “I’d tie him up with my turquoise chain! Yeah, he couldn’t get enough! Nah, he’d be on the floor… Oh, begging me for more!”
Christian Grey: [edges toward door]
Betty Davis: “I used to WHIP him!”