Earlier today People Magazine named Johnny Depp 2009′s “Sexiest Man Alive.” He already won the title back in 2003, placing him in the company of other choice double-winners: Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Richard Gere. Yeah, we’re confused by that last one, too. While we enjoy Johnny Depp as much as the next blog, we thought this might be a fun excuse to look at some of his least sexy roles. Join us, will you?
1. A Nightmare on Elm Street, Glen Lantz
There’s nothing sexy about a boy in a belly tee. Or getting killed, for that matter.
2. Cry-Baby, Wade “Cry-Baby” Walker
He might be the happiest juvenile delinquent in Baltimore, but no one wants to date a guy who’s known as the Big Boo-hoo.
3. Don Juan DeMarco, Don Juan
We know that Don Juan is allegedly the greatest lover in the world, but we feel nothing but violated by this scene. Perhaps it’s the sensuality of this line: “Have you ever loved a woman until milk leaked from her as though she had just given birth to love itself, and now must feed it or burst?”
4. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Raoul Duke
On our short list of non-sexy things: tinted sunglasses, lizard orgies, and people who throw grapefruits.
5. Secret Window, Mort Rainey
Because this is possibly the worst Johnny Depp movie we’ve ever seen — The Astronaut’s Wife included. Also, “You stole my story.”
Comments (3)
YOU ARE ALL FAGGOTS.
THESE ARE ALL HIS SEXIEST FILMS.
YOU GUYS NEED TO WATCH THEM AGAIN AND GET A BRAIN WHEN YOU DO IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW NOTHING!! WHY AREN’T FUCKING WILLY WONKA AND THE MAD HATTER ON THIS MOTHER DAMN FUCKING LIST?!?!?!?!!?1/1/1/1/1/1′/
I HATE YOU ALL!!!!! HUNTER S. THOMPSON IS THE SHIT WITH HIS SWEARING AND SEXY.
I was not trolli9ng. I mean all of this.
Love Bunny is correct. Also, you left out Ed Wood.
Depp is killer sexy precisely because he never tries to be George Clooney or Brad Pit or even Richard Gear. He is fearless. And the guy can act. I would not want to have sex with Willy Wonka (dark chocolate would be enough) but damn, I sure wouldn’t kick that Hatter out of bed. Sorry, Love Bunny.
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