Last night, Syfy premiered the third entry in the Sharknado franchise (yep, it’s now a bona fide franchise), aptly titled Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! It was patriotic and bloody, about 90 mildly fun minutes that included shark-related weather phenomena, gruesome deaths (and births), chainsaws (obviously), and its most implausible ending yet — which is certainly saying something — complete with audience #hashtag participation to set up the fourth movie. The flying sharks were the stars of the night, but a close second were all the celebrities giddily shilling themselves for a paycheck. Here are the 12 weirdest celebrity roles and cameos in Sharknado 3.
Lest you think I’d be blinded by my love for all WWE superstars, and especially Chris Jericho, let me be the first to say that he’s actually a pretty bad actor in this movie (and he’s usually not awful), with an barely-there stint as a ride operator who gets a gross death because he just can’t remember a lost phone.
In a delightfully cheesy movie full of delightfully cheesy lines, Ferrigno, best known for playing The Hulk, saying, “Don’t make me angry” is positively groan-worthy.
Mark Cuban (President of the United States)
Mark Cuban is actually kinda perfect for Sharknado 3 — this is a man who makes each of his lines a straight-faced declaration (“This is for America, baby!”), while donning multiple guns, watching a shark literally blow up above him, or dramatically diving out of a window. If there was a spinoff of just Cuban and Ziering doing tame B-movie stunts, I’d watch it.
OK, so she’s not exactly Julia Louis-Dreyfus in Veep, but Coulter is as acceptable an actress as you need in a movie like this. Her VP is also as expected — “I feel for the sharks, but they’re wrecking our schools, our hospitals, our roads…” — and Coulter is game for all the silliness, such as using the George Washington presidential portrait as a surfboard to surf down a staircase full of sharks alongside Mark McGrath.
Ohanian, the co-founder of Reddit, plays himself because even more than sharks eating people, Sharknado 3 is about the Internet eating itself.
Jerry Springer (Manic Tourist)
My only gripe with Springer’s (oddly) much-hyped cameo is that it wasn’t long enough, though he certainly had one of the funniest deaths.
The women spend their first appearance on screen drinking wine, which is perhaps the only realistic thing in the entire movie. Later on, they smash those bottles to take on some sharks.
Penn and Teller (NASA Lieutenant Colonel Stylo and Major Caissier)
Why include two of the world’s most famous illusionists in a quick, unnecessary scene in which they are patrons at a diner chatting with Fin’s father? Well, why not?
David Hasselhoff (Gil)
Hasselhoff has a relatively significant role in Sharknado 3 as Fin’s father Gil, who was once in the NASA astronaut program and helps Fin lead a mission into space to, uh, destroy the sharks? Listen, the specifics in Sharknado 3 aren’t that important, but what is important is that Gil becomes yet another self-sacrificing character.
Sure, his very quick appearance as a theatergoer is silly, but he gets what’s coming to him after all the deaths he’s responsible for writing in Game of Thrones.