It is no secret that trade publication Billboard is painfully irrelevant. However, its latest “Artists of the Decade” list cannot be debated — it has been objectively compiled. Never mind the fact that Billboard equated “Artists of the Decade” with “the 20 music stars with the best performance on the Billboard 200 albums chart and the Hot 100 over the last ten years.” We let this happen, at least when we still bought CDs. After the jump, explanations on how Creed, Nelly, Nickelback, and others snuck into the Top 20 most-sold albums of the decade list.
Number 7: Nickelback
Despite being stoned on stage (yes, we mean with rocks thrown by their own fans), lampooned endlessly on YouTube, and chemically straightening his golden locks, Chad Kroeger and crew have never sat down and thought, “You know what, I think we suck.” Perseverance and blindly struggling to achieve our goals in the face of adversity are wholly American values. Nickelback reached number seven not because we actually thought they were good, we just liked what they represented. ”We’ve just accepted that we’re never going to be the critics’ darlings, and we’re OK with that.” You tell ’em Chad, you tell ’em.
Number 18: Creed
This band was broken up for half the decade. It’s just incredible that they even made the list at all. What, then, was our morbid fascination with Creed in the 00′s? Like Nickelback, Creed didn’t have a whole lot going for them. In a similar string of Nickelback-ian setbacks, Creed was sued by their fans, lampooned endlessly on YouTube, and had a lead singer whose tongue is located in his throat. As evidenced by their 2009 comeback, which reached number one the rock album’s chart, we have a profound desire to forgive. To love Creed is show to show that you are a merciful, merciful creature. Since Creed has the Christian rock appeal, their loving fans forgave and forgave, album after album. Hence, number 18.
Number 20: Christina Aguilera
Christina is all too aware of her appeal. “I constantly change my image, Luckily, from what I can tell from reading letters and conversing with them when on tour, my fans love and are always open to my love for change,” she explained. Let us recall that Christina did the whole bellybutton ring thing in the early 00′s, then abruptly transformed into a red light district dancer, then into Marilyn Monroe, and then into an indie chick. It’s important for us to confirm that we are not static beings; we have the capacity to become what we want to be – to evolve. Buying a Christina Aguilera album is one’s unconscious support of free will.
Number 3: Nelly
Even though we haven’t heard much of Nelly since the early 00′s, his chart dominance is highly understandable. It’s a simple case of right beat (The Neptunes’ production), right time (when people still bought CDs), and the right message (primality). “Hot in Herre” spoke to our instincts in addition to our love for cold, hard William James pragmatism. 1) It’s getting hot in here. 2) Take of all your clothes. You just can’t argue with that.
Number 13: Pink
Pink’s dominance, unlike that of Nelly, is extremely difficult to comprehend. She beat out Kelly Clarkson, Kanye West, Ludicris, and Rihanna, among others. The only clue we have is Pink’s unabashed Julia Roberts-like romantic comedy romanticism. In ’05, Pink proposed to her motorbiking boo, Carey Hart, with a sign (“Will you marry me?”) and then the words (“I’m serious.”) written on the back. He accepted, they broke up three years later, and got back together this year. It’s like a Disney story…sort of. Okay, we’re stumped on this one. Help us out in the comments below.
Comments (22)
What a stupid article. You are just jumping on this band wagon of hate towards Nickelback. They deserve more respect than they get. They are a great band.
HAHAHA!!! Look, we found the one guy that actually likes Nickelback!
stop knockin nickel back.i luv them. they are a feel good band full of energy and determined to give thier fans a good time..go see a gig youll understand their appeal more..and chad is damm hot..even with his sraightened hair. there a lot worse things to bitch about in life, so what that they arnt coldplay or muse…they are good live and at the end of the day thats what you pay your money for …a good time.by the way …chad has got one of the best, most powerful voices in rock…so there..thats two of us who like nickelback..
“Pink’s dominance, unlike that of Nelly, is extremely difficult to comprehend.” LOL. Why?. Just because she’s not singing on every award shows or in the gossip mags all the time?. At the end, her statistics speaks for itself, combined with her being #5 this year on the touring acts list with $103 million. Keep on underrating her, that’s good. Because, that means she will keep growing as an artist and silently killing all competitions. Let Beyonce, Britney etc have all the hype, because their hype can’t even guarentee them a place in the top 5 touring acts this year. And where is Lady Gaga?LOLOL…nowhere on the money list.
Wow more nickelback bashing. They weren’t stoned by their own fans, they were opening for Metallica in Portugal, those were not nickelback fans. Most people arent so stupid that they’ll buy CDs if they don’t think the artist is good. All these acts this horrible article mentions have sold albums because people like them…that’s it, end of story, stop trying to spin it in your own hateful way.
PERSONALLY I LIKE USHER HE WAS THE BEST TO ME!!!!!!!
the comments on this article are really disappointing.
Isn’t that the great thing about America, though? All those people with bad taste in music are free to do so, and those of us who appreciate good music don’t have to be their friends. or date them. or marry them. because why would you want to be associated with someone who has bad taste in music?
Yeah come on guys quit bashing these beautiful successful human bein…chhwuubarrrfff…oh god sorry I just puked in my mouth trying to sympathize with any fucking moron that not only listens to this hateful retarded music, but also at the notion that these clowns exist and make a living doing it. ALL CAPS: Usher sucks, Pink: meh, Nickelback and Creed products of the Devil’s vagina. Billboard is just the same evil computer that generated all these bands and will eventually destroy all mankind. No everyone go back to cowering under your desks.
Rather than wasting time bashing lowest-common-denominator pop acts, it would be more interesting to discuss Billboard Magazine’s irrelevance. This article goes for low-hanging fruit. There’s a bigger story here.
Agree with the others saying that this article lacks direction. Though I will admit that I don’t really listen to any of these musicians, nor do I think that their music contains the great originality and integrity that the more artists that garner more attention here do, it doesn’t quite fit to call them (and Billboard) irrelevant when in fact, this music DOES sell and there are many, many, many people that adore and care about it.
How about this: Billboard’s artists of the decade list is Billboard’s, and Flavorpill’s artist of the decade list is Flavorpill’s. Different strokes for different folks. No need to be smug about it.
Over the last 10 years, most of the people defending these bands were at the Jr. high social enjoying every bit of these horrible commercial radio acts.
Hahaha oh my god i think earplug just figured out who it’s real audience is haha oopps!!! Sorry earplug shoulda stuck with the original plan!!!!
This is why I love the internet. Stelios Phili shows us that you can have the biggest chip on your shoulder about Billboard and pop music and still pass yourself of as a music writer at Flavorpill.
Cripes get a load of that christina aquilera pic! It looks like the aftermath of some sort of skank bomb.
To the fake stelios commenter above and to the other commentors who lack the attention span to read the article’s 100 word introduction:
The list is not a dig at Billboard. Technically, Billboard didn’t even pick the artists – they just rounded up who sold the most albums, which I’m (jokingly) commenting on. Also, if you somehow believe that the “Artists of the Decade” should be equated with “Whoever Sold the Most Albums” (which is what billboard is implying), then I don’t know what to tell you.
Chady Kroeger 4 lyfeee
In response to the first person defending nickelback, a few simple thoughts:
If you ‘luv’ a band, you probably should think of reasons beyond the fact that they are interested in pleasing their consumers (like any capitalist endeavor) and that they have energy (like all living things). Oh and that they feel good (like masturbation).
For the commenter requesting more of a discussion on the irrelevance of Billboard, consider that the author seems to be doing exactly that by way of this list. By talking about the shamefulness of this list, he is achieving this end.
To Mr. Relativism with the “Billboard’s artists list is Billboard’s” — is your opinion that individuals, besides yourself obviously, shouldn’t express their opinions if they are negative?
As a general note and vamping off what Stelios said in his comment, this article makes clear the absurdity of claims that link quality of music with quantity of sales, and the fact that no one on here can musically justify the legitimacy of a single artist that Stelios is bashing serves as a testament to their overall shitty-ness.
You guys are spot on.
The entire top 20 was just depressing. By that assessment, one would never realize that any good music was actually created this decade.
I think most people who aren’t really into mainstream music would agree that Billboard’s lists (and other publications directed towards mainstream media) wouldn’t align with ours. I’m more a fan of indie rock, and would rather see artists like Sigur Ros, Arcade Fire and Regina Spektor on here. But I don’t think we can fault Billboard, whose primary job is to track best-selling albums and singles, for recognizing the artists who moved the most albums in the decade. Pink got a higher number than Kanye, Rihanna and Kelly Clarkson because she had more radio hits and sold more records (keep in mind that Pink has released five albums). A lot of people hate Nickelback, and while I would certainly fall into that category, a lot of people like them. So, instead of placing the blame on Billboard for recognizing these achievements, the blame should be placed on the consumer for buying products. That being said, people will buy what the like, and who can blame them for that? Don’t get too worked up over it, and don’t get too upset when Billboard keeps releasing lists that we don’t agree with.
The General Electric Company, or GE, is an American multinational conglomerate corporation incorporated in the State of New York. In 2010, Forbes ranked GE as the world’s second largest company, based on a formula that compared the total sales, profits, assets, and market value of several multinational companies.] The company has 304,000 employees around the world.
well i think sum moron has consulted a wheelchair critic in making this list.pure crap of a kind you will not find anywhere.Better than the overated nickelback would be linkin park.there recent album may not be that big but past achievements cant be overlooked
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