It’s been a long time since Harry Potter‘s Voldemort — in both book and film version — was vanquished by his lightning-scarred nemesis who notably had a nose. Though one easily may have thought the Dark Lord dead and gone, it seems he’s resurfaced on YouTube, and that his profession has shifted from genocidal monster to ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response) guru. Given his proclivity for whispering and hissing cruel statements, it’s a wonder he didn’t discover earlier that his evil tendencies could be translated to harmless, viral videos that people watch to experience an allegedly un-erotic tingling experience.
NYC-based sketch comedy duo Cruel Children — Jeff Rabinak and Lindsay-Elizabeth Hand — posted a 9-minute long video of a slightly less-convincingly-bald-wigged-than-Ralph-Fiennes Voldemort making his first of hopefully many ASMR videos. Here, you’ll find Voldemort tapping his long, pointed fingernails, whispering “Slytherin” and “Peter Pettigrew” with strategic glee, fiddling with his evil robes, hissing spoilers — “Dumbledore is dead. Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! Dumbledore is dead. Dumbledore is gay. Did you know that? I had no idea. I was shocked.” — enacting creepy romantic fantasies with a skull, and occasionally throwing tantrums.
Watch the video, feel the tingles, etc.:
[h/t A.V. Club]