Collaborative super-couple Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone — whose movie The Boss gets released on Friday — stopped by Colbert last night not so much to participate on The Late Show, but rather on a new television…experience. Their interview was very quickly interrupted by the promise of another activity: a very condensed, very cheap version of Chopped. Yes, only one night after McCarthy stole the Tonight Show with her stuffed-bird-barraging rendition of “Colors of the Wind,” she stole The Late Show by making a very strange concoction with bologna, marshmallow puffs and peanut butter.
It all started when Colbert asked them about what they watch with their kids (obviously the answer to the question was known well beforehand) — and McCarthy said it’s definitely the mystery-ingredient oriented cooking competition, Chopped. Colbert wonders if they, themselves, have fantasized about being on Chopped, warning that if such a thing were to be done on The Late Show, they “would have to take everything that happens in Chopped and smooth it down into four minutes.” Which is of course exactly what happens — with McCarthy and Falcone provided a countertop laden with mystery ingredients including Saltines, miniature marshmallow puffs, and “bacon, now available in bit form.” They’re also told they can use “whatever [the show] could find in the break room fridge.”
And so the two embark on a frenetic competition, with McCarthy getting so frantic as to forget the bacon bits in her bologna/condiment slop (or masterfully ordered chaos?), and Falcone making minimalist towers, which, when their time is up, he presents to Colbert as “A bacon bit marshmallow saltine with just a little bit of pickle for taste.”
Colbert samples the repulsive comedy food, saying, “I’m getting a very smokey bacon bit a crunch, it’s both tart and dry at the same time.”
Though McCarthy may not have been as graceful in her process as Falcone, she far outdoes him in her verbal presentation. She explains that she’s made a “Tuscan influenced rustic hash,” saying she “tried to play with crunchy, sweet savory and meaty,” and that it’s meant to be “consumed with a large soup ladle.” It seems to instill in Colbert a rainbow of emotions, though the quality he notes most is its “testicularity.”
Watch below: