Fine, Here Are Your MTV VMA Winners

"But how they even give them when they don't even show videos anym-" (head explodes)

The MTV Video Music Awards were held last night in Inglewood, California, and while we’d love to tell you all about the highlights, lowlights, and controversies of the evening, MTV doesn’t like people to do too much of that fancy word-writin’, so we’ll run the list of evening’s winners, and do it as quickly as possible:

VIDEO OF THE YEAR
Kendrick Lamar – “HUMBLE.”

ARTIST OF THE YEAR
Ed Sheeran (yes, really)

BEST NEW ARTIST
Khalid

BEST COLLABORATION
Zayn & Taylor Swift – “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever (Fifty Shades Darker)”

BEST POP VIDEO
Fifth Harmony ft. Gucci Mane – “Down”

BEST HIP HOP VIDEO
Kendrick Lamar – “HUMBLE.”

BEST DANCE VIDEO
Zedd and Alessia Cara – “Stay”

BEST ROCK VIDEO
Twenty One Pilots – “Heavydirtysoul”

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Kendrick Lamar – “HUMBLE.”

BEST DIRECTION
Kendrick Lamar – “HUMBLE.”

BEST ART DIRECTION
Kendrick Lamar – “HUMBLE.”

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
Kendrick Lamar – “HUMBLE.”

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY
Kanye West – “Fade”

BEST EDITING
Young Thug – “Wyclef Jean”

SONG OF THE SUMMER
Lil Uzi Vert — “XO Tour Llif3”

BEST FIGHT AGAINST THE SYSTEM
Logic ft. Damian Lemar Hudson – “Black SpiderMan”
The Hamilton Mixtape – “Immigrants (We Get the Job Done)”
Big Sean – “Light”
Alessia Cara – “Scars To Your Beautiful”
Taboo ft. Shailene Woodley – “Stand Up / Stand N Rock #NoDAPL”
John Legend – “Surefire”

And don’t worry, MTV, we’ll keep trying to figure out how to pivot this post to video.