An ex-boyfriend once gave me a Scrabble dictionary for Valentine’s Day, followed-up by a dinner of pig’s ears and knuckles in a depressing Jackson Heights dive. We were the only ones eating and the guy running the place was busy watching The Simpsons. I would have rather been watching The Simpsons, too.

My first boyfriend gave me glow-in-the-dark sex dice and a teddy bear. We were 13. Hawwwwwwwt.

I once spent an entire Valentine’s Day managing an art opening for my ex-boyfriend, a show that included a handful of nude paintings featuring his current squeeze.

My first “real” Valentines Day: I bought a PacSun visor for my middle school boyfriend, but he broke up with me the week before because I cheated on him with another middle schooler. (We scandalously made out in front of the gymnasium during a basketball game.) I kept the visor.

OMG PacSun FTW.

My (ex) girlfriend thought it would be funny to tell me she was pregnant, and have my mom and friends in on it too. That was the worst Valentines ever. And I was 16.

Before climbing the ladder, I was a PacSun employee.

cringe inducing val’s day: when a HS boyfriend gave me a cute ring, I showed it to *all* my classmates – I later learned he told everyone he found it in the road.

Gmail chat excerpt with friend from last year:

me: it feels optional to me, so it is optional
he doesn’t want a cheesy meaningless gift
and I don’t want to give him one
friend: that’s how I feel, except I think maybe everyone wants a little something
but what….?
me: I know
friend: something “romantic” like a sandwich or an ipod accessory?
me: maybe some sexy lingerie
friend: ha
me: it’s all so embarrassing
friend: it really is
me: the little dances we do
friend: “I’m obviously depressed and a little broken right now, but here…here’s some underwear. I will summon the energy to have sex with you later.”

I cringe over more than one past Vday where the only Valentine I’ve received is from my mother in the mail!!

Dressing in all black on V-Day when I was single in college is pretty embarrassing, when I think about it.

a few years ago, when I was hooked on love and thought I was actually in love with this man, I realized I wanted to make something special for him…a nice dinner…I don’t know, I was young and naive, the point is, he called it off about an hour and a half before we’re suppose to meet…on account he had stuff to take care off…
I called a few friends and we went out…sadly…for him…we ended up going to the same restaurant he chose to take his “girlfriend” to…I had an awesome time with my friends and he impregnated her…I was set free and had no doubt in my heart it was exactly how it had to be…

A best friend of mine was broken up with on Valentine’s day when we were in highschool. First, her boyfriend told her that he wanted to meet up with her later. She thought this would be a good thing, being that it was Valentine’s day. He gave her a Hallmark greeting card that said FRIENDSHIP across the front, and inside was a greeting card describing why she was a good friend, and then he paraphrased the card, explaining that he just wanted to be friends.

i broke up with my long distance boyfriend while we were about to go to bed on valentines day—it was unavoidable, though very unfortunate timing wise. unbeknownst to me he had a ring, was planning on proposing, and was planning on moving wherever I went to law school. SORRY BUDDY!

one vday i got flowers sent to me at work and i was like “omg it’s like in the movies! and i didn’t even send them TO MYSELF! i am special and someone thinks i’m pretty… WHO?!” then i opened the card and they were from my dad. vday fail.

I came to work on Valentines day to find a dozen red roses and a teddy bear on my desk. They were from the janitor. He was in love with me. I broke it to him that I had a boyfriend, thanks but no thanks. I gave the roses to my co-worker to take home.

In 4th grade i made my first boyfriend a huge white chocolate heart which he absolutely loved. Later he broke out in hives and had to be picked up from school because he was allergic. I still have mixed feelings about white chocolate.

In 7th grade, some ‘friends’ put my name on about 100 valentines cards and gave them to the guy I liked. He assumed I wrote them all and walked into the room I was in and threw them all in my face, all ripped and crumbled. Everyone in the room laughed at me and started calling me names, saying I was a stalker. Later I found out the two girls who did it liked him too and wanted to ruin my ‘chances’. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!

7th Grade – Sent a “Lolligram” to my crush asking her to be my girlfriend and was publicly rejected. In order to make things less awkward, my 60 y.o. teacher announced to the class that my new glasses made me look sexy. Well, ladies, I’m gay now, so it turns out I didn’t need you anyway.

Lolligram. Awesome. It reminds me – remember when you used to give teachers coffee mugs filled with Hershey’s Kisses? What was that about?

When I was 16 I was dating a boy a grade below me. It was a few days before valentine’s day and we had a three day weekend. One morning at school my school decided to sell valentine’s day balloons for your love. I was helping sell them and my friends did their best to hide that I had one. During lunch the balloons were handed out and I had one from my boyfriend at the time. We took the bus home together and as we were walking off of the bus a photo journalist was watching us say goodbye! She insisted that we walked and smiled down the road with balloon in hand. Then the magical valentines came and there was our photograph in the newspaper! Great memory!

then we broke up two days later! Then a great memory turned into a horrid one.

In 4th grade i made my first boyfriend a huge white chocolate heart which he absolutely loved. Later he broke out in hives and had to be picked up from school because he was allergic. I still have mixed feelings about white chocolate

My cheapskate ex dragged me all around NYC on the coldest VAlentine’s day (it’s always freezing) since he hadn’t thought about a restaurant reservation, and when he finally got us a table at a pizzeria, the waiter came to fill my water glass and accidentally poured ice cold water down my back!

Ex boyfriend showed up unshowered (probs about four days in) and gassy (was one of those no-apologies, let-em-loose types) to dinner and asked if we would go dutch at the end. Upon my insistence that we not go dutch this one type (it was, after all, Valentines Day) we got into a fight at the restaurant and he stormed out. I paid. He later gave me a snickers bar. I am allergic to peanuts.
Worst. Valentines. Ever.

Typo: this one TIME not TYPE

I had been planning on breaking up with my boyfriend at the time for a few weeks but I figured I’d wait until after valentines day to break it off. When v-day night came around he told me that he had special plans for us but the weather ruined it so he needed access to my apt. I came home that night and he had covered the ceiling in black construction paper with white dots that resembled stars. Turns out he had bought us a star (totally cheezy gift) and named it for us. I broke up with him a week later but our “love” will always remain somewhere out there in the form of a star. Pretty bad if you ask me

I vote for Lolligram Casey.

i had been in a 3 year long distance relationship, and it was our first valentines day together. i flew across the country for him specifically for that “special” day. i was going to get to his apt before him, so i thought i’d surprise him by making him dinner. not only did he completely forget about v day, but he called to say he was going to be back late because he was going to a party with his frat buddies, and i could either stay home or meet up with him out. i did neither.

I’ll never forget the year I attempted to make my best friend feel better on vday (cuz she just broken up with her boyfriend) so i sent her flowers from me. It was great, until she found out I was the reason he broke up with her. Day after Vday present – flower mulch all over my livingroom floor. Which she proceeded to stomp on and grind into the carpet. The faint stains of my betrayal still haunt me…

I was unhealthily in “love” with this horrible harpie who I made all these plans for on Valentines Day. Dinner, flowers, the whole thing. I go to her house and there is flowers there which she said her mom delivered to her. Then like an hour before our date she cancelled on me – I don’t know why – I just remember having the wind blown out of my sails. Then I found out she was on a dinner date with some freakin YOU-KNOW-WHAT guy.

So then I sat in my room, smoked a shit ton of weed which I had never done before, got so STONED I was having major problems staying sane, crying, and then I just wanted to kill myself. BEST VDAY EVER.

my ex never gave me a valentine’s day present, or attempted to celebrate the holiday with me in any way. he did, however, put a lot of effort into making sure i would never enjoy it without him. the first valentine’s after he dumped me, he called me around midnight from his ex-girlfriend’s driveway to tell me what a lovely day he’d had with her and how good the vietnamese fish stew they’d eaten for lunch was. two years later, he called me on valentine’s day to let me know that he had moved in with one of my best friends–the girl who had been my roommate during the breakup. special.

I spent 4 V-Days in Tokyo and they were bizarre. On 2/14 women give little gifts (candy, cards, etc.) to the men in their offices or schools…. like what we do here in elementary school, but only from women to men. Then on 3/14 is “White Day” which is just a day made up by the department stores where the opposite happens. The men give little gifts to the women. Purely commercial, totally unromantic. The closest thing to our V-Day in Japan is actually Christmas – it’s a big date night.

valentine’s day, junior year of highschool – my boyfriend takes me to dinner – at the same restaurant my parents are at. of course my mom asks to move our tables together. nothing says cringe like having a double date with your PARENTS.

In jr high, I threw up on the bus home from skiing the night before Valentines Day. The next morning, I felt horrible and went to school anyway because I was so excited to see what my crush would do. I made him a Valentine and gave him a teddy bear that I left at his locker and never saw him all day. I was at the table that night with my family, when he knocked on the door and said his mom wanted him to tell me that we were too young to date and I shouldn’t have given him anything. Awkward.

Cringe: The guy I had been dating for a year evaded all plans with excuses of being broke. I did my best not to make him feel bad and offered to take us to dinner. (I’ve since wised up.) We ate silently then went back to my apartment and started to watch a movie. About 20 minutes in he looked at his watch and said he had to go. Early morning at work. I later found out that he was cheating on me and had double-booked that evening. I always wanted to find out if she paid for his dessert.

one of my worst v day experiences (yes, there are several…) was when i decided to cook a nice meal from scratch for my bf. left early from work to shop for ingredients, came home, slaved over a hot stove to prepare a beautiful salmon dish with rice pilaf and veggies. bought a wine to pair with dinner as well as a cute cake for dessert. i changed into a very sexy red crushed velvet dress and presented my bf with a card on top of the meal. his response to me was, “uh, i didn’t really get you anything…. but i deposited a hundred dollars into your account yesterday.” said hundred dollars was a sporadic and very overdue payment toward the THOUSANDS he owed me from a loan i made to him to pay off some credit card debt. gee, thanks, casanova!!

An embarrassing story to tell, but I really want that handcuff necklace: So a couple of years ago I’d been dating an actor in a regional theatre production who was living in a hotel during the show’s run. I really, really liked him, and when he asked if he could cook me dinner for Valentines Day (this after teaching me to cha cha), I was thrilled. Bought the lacy red special occasion underwear and everything. So he’s made a little feast centered around overcooked lobster tails. I’d always wondered if I might be allergic to lobster, but this night confirmed it. My insides imploded about ten minutes after I put my fork down and I had HORRIFIC diarrhea. In the little hotel bathroom in the little hotel room. With no fan, no air freshener, no way to mask what was happening from the dude just outside the door. We didn’t talk about it afterwards and he never called me again, and five years later I’m still mortified.

I haven’t had a Valentine since 1998 when I got divorced.

I’m 29 years old, and to this day I’ve never had a date on VDay. Last year I spent VDay wasted by myself watching Nick and Nora’s infinite playlist.

high school. christian mom digs around in my trash weeks prior to Valentine’s, waiting for just the right moment to unveil her discovery: a used condom from the bathroom waste basket. Boyfriend picks me up for dinner. Freak mother runs down the driveway, scantily-clad, waving a sandwich ziploc with the disturbing evidence, screaming “Don’t touch my daughter! You’re both going to hell!”

Obviously, deviants like us had sex in the car just minutes after.

Found out on Valentine’s Day that my boyfriend had another girlfriend. He gave us both the same crappy bear. She and I ended up hanging out with each other in disgust.

When I was in third grade, I hand made a valentine for a boy named Eugene. I had just decided to like him about a week before Valentines day so I would have someone to make a valentine for. I put it on his desk when he wasn’t looking and went back to my desk. By the time I turned around to look, he had thrown it to the floor and was stomping on it while my classmates all laughed or looked on in horror. That was totally awesome for a nine year old!

In my defense, a man has never stomped on my heart since then!

This guy I was once seeing liked to cook but unfortunately could never make one particular dish correctly. For Valentines Day I decided to get him a cook book and wrote a cute inscription in it. A few weeks later I noticed that he had torn that page out of the book. His reason? He was still seeing his ex and didn’t want her to see it. Words ensued. Fortunately, my current boyfriend is only dating me :)

Last year i went to a Barry Manilow concert for Valentine’s Day.
It was amazing.
There were lots of glow sticks.
Amongst the songs performed were “Mandy,” “I Write the Songs,” and “Can’t Smile Without You.”
United with packs of lonely, ladies-night-out; we were all carried away by this sexy man-child.
I ate a hot dog.

last valentine was my first in quite awhile. My gf and I were doing long distance. I went all out in surprising my gf with flowers and a small get away trip down to Huntington beach at one of their resorts. Had a ton of fun and definitely would recommend going. The spa treatment was awesome!!

last year my boyfriend invited me to go skiing for valentine’s day weekend and i was so thrilled. i had secretly made dinner reservations at vinegar hill with a special menu and bought tickets to a grizzly bear show that gabriel burns would read love poems at (yes, please)… but i sold the tickets, canceled the reservation and went out and bought him two thoughtful presents. we were supposed to stay at his brothers empty apartment but instead, last minute, he said we’d spend a night with his parents. I was nervous but excited to meet them. once on the train he pulled out a bouquet of roses that he didn’t give to me until he said aloud “i didn’t realize this weekend was valentine’s day weekend” – clearly the roses were for his mother originally. then he paid more attention to his mother’s cooking than me, while i tried my best to bond with his sweet russian grandmother with hand gestures and cleaned all the dishes. he said I could borrow ski clothes, so i did. they were his mothers. they were neon colors and too big and the 80’s missed them sorely. on valentine’s day I tried to kiss him on the ski lift, but he pulled away. i fell disembarking and he didn’t help me up. we ate clam pizza for dinner after waiting in line for 45 minutes and then drank beers with friends from college who happen to be in town at the same time. we slept on two couches pulled together in a basement that had to be a little over freezing. who says romance is dead? then he “felt sick” so my lingerie went to waste and when I gave him his presents he told me about this amazing ring … he was thinking about buying for me but didn’t. we both felt the clam pizza later and took turns running to the bathroom while we watching the simpsons. in silence.

I love the handcuff necklace!!! My best gift was meeting my boyfriend on Vday. I remember getting two comedy DVD’s from an ex and that cementing the fact that I needed to break it off. They might have been funny, but I never could open them.

Not into S&M, even in chocolate. Want my partner/lover to be with me because he wants to be there—no restraints needed…

I made my college boyfriend – and first love – a really cute little card out of construction paper, with little pink and white hearts and a photo of us. He showed up at my apartment for our valentine’s day date an hour late, empty handed. He had made zero plans for our evening. We went to the same felafel place we ate at once a week. There we ran into a woman who a friend had warned me had a crush on my boyfriend. She looked shocked and agonized to see us together. He seemed unhappy and distracted. Two days later I found out that he had been cheating on me with this woman for close to a year. As far as she knew, she was his girlfriend and I was his ex. I loaded all his stuff that was in my apartment into a trash bag, tore up the card (which he had, of course, left at my apartment) and put it in the bag, and left it on his doorstep.

i bought my wife a sexy piece of lingerie without checking her size first. turns out a 34B can’t fit into a small teddie. the whole evening was ruined.

I made my girlfriend a treasure hunt, all through our school. One of the clues was inside a sidebag I borrowed from a friend and hid under the bleachers, well security saw my girlfriend wondering outside of class and followed her. Needless to say, when she was seen sneaking under the bleachers and coming out with a large black Che Chevara bag, laughing with “menace”, and carrying mysterious clues, she got taken to the office, the bag searched, and her parents called. On the bright side, the strawberry cake I had hidden in the Home Sciences room did end up in her hands. Oh, but guess what we learned she was allergic to? Yup, Strawberries. Thanks Valentines Day.

Valentine’s Day two years ago: After watching the flowers and candies arrive throughout the day for my co-workers, I finally mustered the courage to call my boyfriend of nearly a year if he, um, wanted to do something that night. He said not really, but that he would call me. I finally called him at around 9pm and we talked for a while about our days. After some hedging, I asked if he had any plans to celebrate Valentine’s Day (maybe something was planned for later in the week?), but no. He didn’t really believe in Valentine’s Day and since he had gone that afternoon to get a big tattoo of a squid wearing boxing gloves on his arm, he was kind of sore and didn’t want to do anything. Arguing ensued, and we decided to break up. (There were other reasons, but you know.)

I’ll admit we got back together about five months later. Last year for V-Day, he planned a romantic getaway weekend. We’re still together. Though nearly every time we, ahem, are intimate, I scratch the hell out of that damn tattoo.

Valentine’s Day 1991- I was 18 and had a boyfrined of a year, who had cheated on me at least once, but we were “working things out”. I had been introduced to a super cute guy at a party a few weeks befroe Vday and heard his band was playing at a restaurant in a nearby beach town on Valentien’s night. I told my boyfrined that I wanted to go to that restaurant for Valentine’s dinner, but didn’t tell him about the guy…The band was great, the food good too…I broke up with him a week later so I could hook up with that guy…I thought that didnt make it cheating…so glad to not be young anymore…We got back together, but surprise surprise, this realationship did not last very long

I had no idea what I was getting my boyfriend until a few days ago when I was shopping at WalMart. I came across the technology cell phone and say a sleek motorola phone. When I went to take a closer look, it was from TracFone. I asked the sales associate about it and he told me that they have this plan called “Straight Talk” which is a prepaid service and supplies 1000 minutes, 1000 texts, and 30MB of data for 30 dollars a month. You don’t have to pay overage fees (which is great since he and I talk ALOT) and theres not need to cancellation or activation fees. This is awesome since he’s always going over his minutes on his current phone because we talk way too much. Now this is going to be our “private phone” and it’ll be our little secret.

When I was 17 my beau at the time hyped me up for weeks about how romantic Valentines day was going to be, and that he couldn’t believe he was spending his Valentine’s with “someone so beautiful” as myself. Promising me all things like candle lit dinner, flowers, the works. Being only 17 and very naive, I was excited beyond belief. Valentines day rolled around, and not only did he make me buy the food that was supposed to be our romantic dinner, but he put meth in our “romantic dinner” unbeknownst to me, met up with not one but TWO of his other girlfriends while I was cleaning dishes. Finishing up with yelling at me about how the food sucked, and then raping me in my sleep after I finally crashed out. Lesson learned: When you’re young, and dumb trust your parent’s judgment in men.

So a few months before Valentine’s Day I met a guy at a friend-of-a-friend’s house party (I was 18, give me a break). I had a few hard lemonades and we proceeded to make out outside, in dim lighting. We exchanged numbers and talked pretty regularly over the next few months. He decided to surprise me by visiting for V-Day(from another state). I was picking him up from the bus station,and asked what he was wearing so I could spot him. As I drove by, I saw a guy wearing the described outfit but with a decidedly less attractive face then I remembered. I drove on. I called my sister, told her the situation, and asked her to call me in 10 minutes with an “emergency.” I went back to pick the guy up and made conversation until my sis called; I told him I had to go handle some family business and couldn’t spend any more time with him. There was a real quick pity makeout session, I took him to get food, then dropped him off at his hotel room. I made my getaway and we never talked again.

When I was so nervous to give my chocolate to a boy I had a crush on, I peed in my pants. i swear i was 7 when that happened.

Last year I went to a show on vday unknowingly that the girl I liked was also gonna be there. Since it was valentines I’d figure I’d tell her my feelings and that’s when I find out she has a boyfriend. Asked her why he wasn’t here with her. She said because he doesn’t believe in it. Made me really think how shitty a bf he is. We never got together or got serious but made me realize seriously nice guys finish last

Senior year of high school, I was asked out by two wonderful guy friends on Valentine’s. Both of them had flower bouquets and awkward but thoughtful speeches prepared. One guy I turned down in the middle of a crowded hallway in front of a group of staring friends. The other I turned down later in the parking lot after school… after my two brothers convinced him it was a good idea to get down on bended knee outside my car door. Before that V-day, I really thought such circumstances only happened in movies. Even worse, my boyfriend at the time completely ignored the special occasion: my first Valentine’s day with a boyfriend. Unwilling to buy into the “commercial hype” of the holiday, he didn’t even spend an “I love you” on me. Took me another two years and two more uncelebrated Valentine’s days for me to realize I could do better.

BUT I will celebrate Valentine’s day 2010 with a new boyfriend! It will be a special indeed: the first real time I am celebrating the holiday with someone.

Vivamus, Amemus.

He made me close my eyes then put $10 in my pocket.

in the morning he promised we’d have a cliche date night. we’d go see a romantic comedy and have dinner at our favorite restaurant. by evening, after i had worked all day and he had sat moping and unemployed on our couch, he had changed our plans to take out and watching family guy reruns. i insisted we at least have a drink at the bar while picking up our take out. he agreed. i ordered a martini. he had a glass of water and watched me drink. that last part sums up most of our relationship.

Nice guys don’t finish last. In this case, it’s just that a lot of good women don’t believe they deserve better. Try to fall for the ones who believe they deserve a nice guy (and are willing to be nice in return).
Also, this has been one of the saddest threads I’ve ever read.

In 8th grade, I fell for a nice guy and we were an item around Valentine’s Day. I made him a cute handmade valentine’s day poster so I was shocked when he gave me a really nice perfume called Windsong. He also asked me to wear his jacket. Back then, if a guy asked you to wear his jacket, it meant you were going steady. So we were going steady for about 2 weeks and then I broke up with him. I gave him back the jacket but kept the perfume. For the next few years, my brothers teased me whenever the Windsong commercial came on that had a jingle that went like this: I can’t seem to forget you, your windsong stays on my mind.

I’ve never had a real valentines day.

Wow. So many responses. Looks like everybody’s hard up for a free Valentine’s Day present.

My first real love ended our 2-year relationship not long after Valentine’s Day, 1994. And she did so just hours after my father suffered a stroke and was hospitalized. I should have known something was up. Her V-Day gift to me was a paperback copy of Douglas Coupland’s awful “Shampoo Planet”. It was quite obvious that she had bought a USED copy. Or more likely found it in the street moments before giving it to me.

The only person I receive Valentines from is my Mom.

Golden Corral. Enough said.

My husband loved my meatloaf recipe. So, as a newlywed, I decided to make one for our 1st Married Valentine’s Day. I decided to make it in a heart shape with tomato sauce on the top. Obviously, I had not thought this through. It came out of the out of the oven, cracked on the top as all meatloafs do, & with the oil & fat blurping out of the cracks, making the tomato sauce pulsate like open heart surgery. Needless to say, we could barely look at it, much less eat it.

I am getting a tattoo this year. Happy Valentine’s day to myself!

thanks everyone for your stories! to me, the ever-clueless husband, they serve as a good reminder not to be a schmuck when the time comes. :)

My worst Valentine’s Day experience was a night when I went to see my crush’s band play in Portland, Oregon. I was virtually stalking the lead singer, and he kindly asked me to join him and his band mates for drinks after the show. Unfortunately, I drank too much whiskey on an empty stomach and had to hurl. Unfortunately, the bar was so small, they only had ONE bathroom, and of course, as I was ready to blow, the bathroom was occupied by someone taking their precious time (they were in there for at least ten minutes). I couldn’t wait any longer and ended up projectile vomiting in a corner right as my date was coming to check on me. It was MORTIFYING. But he was so sweet that he let me come home with him anyway, ran me a nice bath, and serenaded me to sleep. So in the end, I still scored.

I met my boyfriend now hubby at 16–he never believed in the silly holiday…so I have never recieved flowers,cards or chocolates..He said flowers were stupid,as they die,so how is that a sign of love…the only flower he has ever bought me was a handmade pink beaded metal flower from a South African crafter…It was the sweetest thing ever–and he said at least this flower will never die…14 years later,I still cherish it:)

lemme just say it took 10 years before he actually bought that flower for me…so for 10 years I heard the same speach over and over,how lame the holiday was :/

Being the hopeless romantic that i am, i made the girl i was seeing custom Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Valentine’s Day cards, each with a a riddle that lead her to a present. Needless to say, it was pretty embarrassing getting these half naked shots of The Rock printed up at Kinkos. The night culminated in my cooking a crazy delicious dinner while waiting all night for the girl to come by. She was a few hours late cause she thought it’d be nice to make me wait while she chauffeured her friends around town for Valentine’s Day. My first and looks like my last Valentine.

when I was 16 my ex boyfriend gave me a plastic rose from a gas station that he picked up while getting gas 2 minutes away from my house

last year my sister called me and offered to fly me out to visit her during the 3-day President’s Day weekend which Valentine’s Day also happened to fall on. little did i know that she had also called my long distance boyfriend and told him the plan, and he decided to make the three hour drive to her house to surprise me. however, on Valentine’s Day night (when he was supposed to arrive) my sister had to ruin the surprise. my boyfriend’s truck hopelessly broke down in the middle of the desert and we all had to go pick him up. i was still very surprised and very happy. although his Valentine’s Day could have gone a little better, mine was perfect.

I’ve got a “21st” suggestion…this heart tote from http://www.pembelalay.com/

i glued a huge hart to my crushes locker stating my love to him and how we would be perfect together the day before valentines day. then the next day when i came to school this boy that i hated walked up to me and gave me a kiss on my cheek. as it turns out, i had placed the hart on the wrong locker. i will forever be scared by that day.

My first year away from home at college, my boyfriend and I were looking forward to our second Valentine’s day together with no one to tell us how to celebrate. It was all playing out perfectly, as it would be on a Saturday that year, so we wouldn’t even have to cut back because of early morning classes. The Monday before Valentine’s day, my snobby roommate told me (suddenly after a whole semester of reassuring me it was OK to have him overnight at the apartment) she mentioned to me, in a very casual manner, that he basically wasn’t allowed to stay overnight anymore. We ended up going home for the weekend and spending Valentine’s day, once again, under the rule of our parents. If that’s not bad enough, our first Valentine’s day was interrupted by my stinkin’ ovaries. Maybe this year will be THE BEST with that giveaway, eh?

I haven’t had a Valentine since I broke my neck. Try to get someone to grab your ass when there are wheels under it.

My grandfather died on Valentine’s Day, so every year my ex-boyfriend tried to do something special since he knew it was a sad time for me. The first year we were together he tried to make dinner. He set up a table and lit candles in the basement. It was so dark with no lights but the candles that we could hardly see the soggy spinach and chewy overcooked chicken. We gave up eating it after a couple of bites. The next year he learned cooking wasn’t his forte, and instead we went to a Chinese buffet to avoid the large crowds. Later that night I got terrible food poisoning and spent the whole night in the bathroom at his parent’s house. I finally fell asleep on the floor. It was really embarrassing!!

Oh god were do i begin, My valetines day was the worst last year my now ex we will call him tim came over suprised me with a bottle of wine and cooked a wonderful peaceful italian dinner, afterwards he put on dead and lovely by tom waits which is my favorite song we danced laughed since neither of us could dance eventually he picked me up threshold style carried me to the bedroom were he lit candles i thought this was an average V-day we had sex and I dressed in lingere then he told me afterwards that he had decided earlier and now I needed to know he was going to marry his sister….I hit him with a cookie sheet in the kitchen

I appreciate the tradition of the secret valentine. I’ve seen the charge on a friend by directing one her way, and as the recipient the subliminal is that the world may be in love with you!

Last year my then boyfriend forced me to celebrate Valentine’s Day even though I didn’t want too. I was tired from work and still I got all dolled up to go out to dinner with him. He’s badly hungover (it was 8pm too; he should’ve gotten over it by then) and dressed in his usual sloppy self. Of course he didn’t think to tell me that he wasn’t feeling well until I got there. Dinner was awkward and he complained the entire time. I didn’t even really get any action either. He didn’t even apologize for being hungover. Instead he decided to say it didn’t matter since I don’t like Valentine’s Day. Yeah, because a date matters less because of what day it’s on.

HUGELY lame. Boyfriend this year agreed not to celebrate Valentine’s Day; HUZZAH!

I spent a Valentines day living half way across the country from my husband. The relationship was already on the rocks by this point because he was unsatisfied that we were living apart.

We originally agreed he would move to where I was living as I was supporting us both (he was unemployed) but he changed his mind after half a year and wanted me to quit my job and move back. The “great” thing is he came to see me, and of course wanted to have a lot of “personal time”. The last thing I was feeling up for was being pawed as soon as he showed up considering our constant fighting. I don’t remember the timing, but at some point he ended up getting a girlfriend, while we were still married, lame. I am of course not with him any more.

My sophomore year at college, I was dating a guy who showed up with a staggering array of gifts for me. It wasn’t just “too soon”…it was “too much even if we were engaged” level! But I reluctantly started opening the presents to find clothes – a dozen or more items in flamboyant styles I’d never wear, including some trashy lingerie. He kept pushing for me to try items on and saying, “it will all fit perfectly!” I thought it odd, and as I tried on a jacket to appease him, I asked how he managed to get the right size in so many different items, from stockings to panties to blouses. He said, “Oh, I had to try them all on!”

Now as if that weren’t odd enough, we were not even the same size. So I asked how that helped him find MY size…

And he said, “Oh, well I tried on a bunch of your things while you were in class one day and bought things that fit me tight like yours do…”

Awkward Valentine’s Breakup? You betcha.

For my first Valentine’s Day in New York I went with my best friend– that friend, you know, the one you are glued to hourly the first few years– to a Altoids-sponsored reading feat. various writers and comedians talking about bed-wetting and lots of… other things that felt the same as bedwetting. After the reading we walked along 6th Ave in the West Village in the cold, sort of wallowing and wondering if we would ever be happy here. Then we saw a KFC, that bastion of suburban comfort and relief. We took refuge, eating Snack Wraps™ or whatever their forebears were, continuing to speculate at our elusive romantic satisfaction.

We went home early and the next day saw footage on the news taken mere hours afterwards of cavalcades, swarms, really, of rats. A blanket of rats moving across the floor, like a waving flag of horror, loneliness, and despair.

I was fifteen and I had given my boyfriend what I thought was the best present in the world: a stuffed penguin from the Build-A-Bear Workshop wearing boxers with an assortment of pink hearts on them. A month later we broke up, and he slashed the penguin into tiny pieces with the samurai sword I never knew he had. He sent me the bits in a pink box the following year.

i once got a baggie full of ecstasy from the last of a long, unfortunate string of druggie bf’s. (i know) it was enough that we could each take one and then give a few to our friends and have an “anniversary party” style e-stravaganza. so we did that, then i found some random perv at our ecstasy get-together to rub lotion all over my forearms until i orgasmed. needless to say. baggie full o’ ecstasy = best. gift. ever.

This is cringe-worthy because I acted so horrible. It was my only boyfriend that I have ever had on a Valentine’s day, and of course I was still in High School, and he loved me (I responded with thank you, awful) and I was going to wait until after good ole 2/14 to break up with him. This year it fell on a week day and we were hanging out by his car after school with some friends. He asked if he could call me later and I said maybe and he replied you want to break up today don’t you? And I was so stunned I didn’t say anything, he kissed me and said, “I figured, you have been acting weird. I got you this, I love you and will call you later”. He got into his car and left. Left me standing there wondering if we had actually broken up and what a jerk I was that I couldn’t even do it myself.

I broke up with Greg (not his real name) around December, and started dating someone else. Come Valentine’s Day, I received 4 DOZEN long-stemmed red roses AND a plush Teddy Bear at my office, but the problem was there was no card attached. I was quite confused, as my new beau certainly wasn’t the roses-and-teddy-bear type, but I called him to thank him. I realized he was not the sender after his confusion over the phone, and when I got home my ex had broken into my apartment and filled my bedroom with flowers and candy. Trying to win me back?? Who knew. Oy vey, I broke up with HIM for a reason, and it had been several months winc we’d talked! It was a nightmare trying to explain HIM to my new man, but we eventually worked it out. Sort of.

Valentine’s Day 2008? I spent it ditching my boyfriend last-minute to interview and then get fondled by Ron Jeremy in his hotel bathroom. His Sharpies signature on my breasts washed off long before my shame did. And the interview never got published.

About five years ago, a week before valentines day I started going out with this guy named Mark. It was one of those I don’t get to see you very often because you live clear across town relationships. So valentines day came around and we where pretty excited, he was planning a picnic at the park had my gift and everything. Tuesday the day before valentines day I was thinking about how much I actually liked Mark. So I decided I should break up with him. I broke up with him on valentines day and I ended up having a very bad boring valentines day. I felt terrible the whole day.

Right before Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend broke up with me… Pretty sad. Anyway, my dad decided to take me out to dinner so I wouldn’t have to spend the night sulking all alone. On the way there, we hit some pretty terrible traffic. We had to sit in the car for about an hour, and the windows fogged up. We thought nothing of it, until people started walking by the car, hollering, yelling, and making all these “Valentine’s Day love” jokes. SO awkward… My dad just slowly reached over to the dashboard and pressed the defrost button.

I was in the 3rd grade. It was 1993. I was 10, wore oversized granny glasses with purple tortoiseshell rims, favored a side ponytail and bangs. My babyfat clung to me like a security blanket. Joshua was all skinned legs and scraped elbows, his inky hair tentacled and wind-blown, his Nike pumps always spotless. I had stayed up way past bedtime the night before, a flashlight under the blanket, drawing a painstakingly detailed Valentine’s Day card for him. Red construction paper, white doily, silver glitter all over the bed. I had practiced my cursive for a week to get the loop on the capital J just right. Valentine’s Day morning, I cleaned my glasses, donned my favorite New Kids top, my electric blue leggings, because Mrs. Butler was fond of saying things like, “dress for success.” I milled around the classroom, stealing furtive glances at Joshua while everyone distributed their Valentine’s Day cards, the TMNTs, the Jem and the Holograms, poor Kayla’s faded, dollar-store Alvin and the Chipmunks. I waited until it was nearly time to go and everyone was at the peak of their sugar highs. Joshua was talking with Anthony and Stevie, the holy triumvirate of 3rd grade boys. Fingers shaking, I approached. Cleared my throat. They glared at me, all three of them, and I thrust my homemade, oversized construction paper heart at Joshua. “Be my Valentine?” I tried to be casual. Like it didn’t really matter, like it was an afterthought, like, hey, this could be fun, who knows. Silence hung in the air. Joshua was thinking. My heart was beating hard against the back of my skull. “No way, you tub of lard.” Anthony and Stevie and Joshua, all laughing. My heart hadn’t caught on yet; it still rat-a-tat tap danced against my skull, throttling my brain. The Valentine slipped from my hand as I stumbled forward. I kicked Joshua in the shin, not hard, because I was shaking too violently. I hid in the girls’ bathroom until the bell rang, behind the guise of a too-much-candy stomachache, left my backpack and cards and candy behind for the janitor to take care of. Straight to bed without dinner to lie in the dark and wonder, not for the last time, why boys could be so cold.

It was Valentine’s Day, and the guy I had, days before, broken it off with but told that I loved and wanted to stay open to getting back together with, came over with some grapefruits (huh?) and we had lovely makeup/breakup sex. Afterward, he informed me that he had met someone in a bar (half his age), had a date with said new woman, and he wanted to take her to a show he knew I’d be attending. I said, um, that would not be cool with me. He seemed to agree. And guess what? He showed up anyway, with her. Lovely. That was my last Valentine’s Day with any drama ever, I swore to myself and I swear to you all now. And the last time I talked to the jerk, even in passing.

My boyfriend at the time, who was from Korea, gave me nothing for Valentine’s Day. I never had spoken aloud like this, but I found myself saying, ‘didn’t you get me anything?’ Then I heard him say the same thing back! Turns out the holiday is totally about the man there, while it’s mostly about the woman here.

Ha, Christine. After living in Korea for a year, I totally get your comment. There is a white day where females buy males candy and black day where males buy females chocolate!

Anyhow, the handcuff necklace is cool in a sort of bondage sort of way

My first Korean boyfriend bought me a big poofy hello kitty with her side-kick stuck (sown?) onto her hand, and handed it to me at the local Barnes and Noble where my mother had dropped me off.

I gave it to my friend’s little sister and called him that night to tell him it wasn’t going to work out.

My story is a non-story.

I always break up with my boyfriend right before V-day so I don’t have to buy them anything (same goes for birthdays…xmas…) I save a lot of money and energy this way. I started this at the age of 6 because I grew up too poor to buy gifts for anyone and I haven’t found the need to start doing it.

Best V-day present ever: I was working on a disaster response operation and hubby sent me a pair of cherry-red patent leather, pointy-toe, 5″ spike heels with silver metal studs around the ankle strap- THE sexiest shoe in the UNIVERSE! And 2 pair in 2 dif sizes to make sure at least one fit me! Did I marry good, or what? LOL (He’s 63 & I’m 50!) :-)

When I was in the 7th grade I was called down to the principal’s office on Valentines day. Waiting for me was a hand written note and a chocolate rose…for me.
Initially there was the gentle fluttering of butterflies: SOMEONE like me.
But then I started to think about it. For starters there was no ACTUAL mention of “like” in the note. It spoke in generalities, things like “you are a beautiful person” and something about my kindness to others. That didn’t even sound like me.
These were not the words of someone who knew me, or had even carefully watched me for a few days. I was incapable of kindness for others. I was the leper of middle school. There was nothing I could offer to anyone else.
The facts, all layed out before me, spoke the sad and terrible truth: Someone felt sorry for me. Not just passing sorry. So sorry that they actively pursued a course of making me feel better.
But instead of being filled with warmth that someone was thinking of me, I was just filled with shame that someone was aware of how terrible my life was.
It wasn’t jus tme crying to myself anymore. Someone knew how pathetic I was, and instead of trying to help me in a way I could actually use, like sitting by me at lunch, saying “Hi” to me in the hall, or saying “Hi” to me EVER, they sent a memento of passie kindness. A small reminder: you are so utterly alone, and we are know that you are so alone, that we contrived an anonymous friend for you. Happy Valentines day, you ahve nothing, not even your remaining dignity.

I sent my husband his favourite pizza in the shape of a heart 2 v-days ago. He was smitten and proposed 1 month later. The only way to the heart is through the stomach!

OK, this is painful. When I was at primary school, aged about 8, we all had a plastic drawer in the classroom where we kept our homework, lunch etc. It had our name on the front. On Valentine’s Day, you would put cards to the person you liked into their drawers. And vice versa.

Well, that year (1988 to be exact), I opened my drawer with excitement and a fluttering heart and found a poo in it. I’m not sure I’ve ever quite recovered.

He broke up with me on Vday, but not only…. He told me I reminded
him of his mother in every way (the bitch!!!!!!!)

In college, my first boyfriend I’d ever had on Valentine’s Day promised to take me out somewhere reasonably nice for what we could afford. He woke up that morning and couldn’t start his car, so I figured we’d just use our meal plan to go to the cafeteria. I’d secretly packed a tablecloth and candlesticks (which we couldn’t light but the idea was fun anway) in my bag, and was going by his place to meet up to walk together to dinner. His roommate let me in, and after looking all over for him, he walked out of the bathroom looking pale and green and shaky. He immediately walked back into the bathroom and commenced the repercussions of being exposed to stomach flu. After he was done, I laid down with him, stroking his back and keeping a cold compress on his forehead until he fell asleep. I walked out of his room, sat on their couch, and started crying. I hadn’t seen it, but one of his roommates was in the kitchen at the microwave. He was walking back into the living room with a dvd and a bowl of soup and stopped dead. He awkwardly asked if I was okay, and then brightened immediately when he realized he had something to offer me to make me stop crying. “Do you want some soup?!” he asked excitedly. I could only nod. We watched Army of Darkness and ate soup, and afterwards I asked if he would be my soupentine. February 14, 2010 will be the tenth annual Soupentine’s celebration for me.

I can’t recall ever really celebrating Valentines day. Except once in Catholic school. Our class watched a movie with a blind kid and a man being stoned to death, then everyone handed out cards and candy. I got my ‘boyfriend’ at the time a teddy bear and basset hound card and sprung for a little extra glitter to throw in the envelope. (a nice touch I might add) He had forgotten his gift for me, but luckily his mom dropped it off later in the day.

When I was taking a semester off from college I decided delivering pizza would be a decent job, with good tips. I was 22 and had no boyfriend to spend valentine’s with so I decided to work that night. After almost getting assaulted when asked to deliver a pizza to a sketchy area of town, I nervously drove too fast to my next delivery and got a speeding ticket that I cried the entire way through getting from a lady police officer. When I got to the door of the next delivery I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing as I gave some random college guy his delivery order and credit card receipt to sign. Ever since, I’ve kept my valentine’s day celebrations low key and at home, and my boyfriend is just fine with that.

Last year, I met (what I thought was) a really great guy in early January. We got hot and heavy pretty quickly with him leading the way full steam ahead. In fact, we were already talking about being monogamous, and that’s a big deal for me. Since I’d been single for the 6 years previous, I was pretty stoked thinking that FINALLY, I’d have a date for Valentine’s Day! Shockingly, on Feb 12th (and after he had already said he really wanted to make me dinner for VDay) he breaks things off, basically saying that he just didn’t think we’d get along. Wow. So what did I do? Ended up getting drunk at the Suicide Girls party and hooked up with an ex boyfriend. Yay me!!

A few years ago I was “anonymously” invited to a mysterious Valentines Party – or at least that’s what the evite said. I had told everyone that I was going to take more risks that year – so….that, combined with the anonymous factor, I had to go, right? So I went, alone to this mystery house not knowing anyone who were invited – wondering how my secret crush would inevitably reveal himself. Walked in, woman who was throwing the party with her husband, greeted me with…”Hey! Set your coat down in there and….MINGLE!” Okay. To make a long painful story shorter, there was NO mystery crush (just some conniving marrieds trying to trick their single friends into the same vicinity). I ultimately passed the time with some mutual friends that happened to be there (a plus side to the story). I went home that night tricked and frustrated. They are married now.

My credit card was stolen a few days before Valentines Day. Even though I had canceled my card with my bank they still let a purchase go through a couple days later. Some idiot had sent $150 worth of flowers to a girl and used his real name for the delivery. I was pissed that some chick was gettting flowers and it sure as hell was not me. Unfortunately for this guy I knew a Secret Service agent who loves doing a little detective work… An arrest and handwritten apology letter swiftly followed.

We had been dating for a little over a year. It was Valentine’s day weekend and he suffered from a combination cold and forced ski patrol (yah, I know) I stayed at home looking forward to his return.

A few days after his return we were out eating pizza and bumped into a mutual friend, who was so sorry I couldn’t join my boyfriend at her valentine’s party, especially since he looked so cute in his red turtleneck.

So yes, no sick and no ski patrol — and he went to a Valentine’s party without me.

Being unwanted sucks, being lied to is really grim.

I’ve never celebrated the day! But I guess that means I don’t have any horrific stories to live with, so I’m okay with that. :)

Its a strange genetic thing but in our family we lose our baby teeth late. When i was fourteen I lost my final teeth, they were molars, and I decided to give them to this girl I fancied called Kerry Bridekirk. I made a littlebox for them, painted it orange, and padded it with cotton wool, so that when you opened the lid they were displayed in a circle.
At the time I thought this was the most romantic thing I could think of, a piece of my body torn away with pain and given to her as a carefully displayed gift.
Gareth

I am torn between the time the guy I met on the plane on the way to stay with my Dad took me on a date then left a HUGE box of balloons at the door with encouraging life messages on them so when I opened the box they flew up to the roof UGHHHHH
or the time I was away for work and I was quietly having a Cointreau (like a nana) and reading the paper at a beautiful old cafe after having dinner with a colleague and thinking about how the year before I was in a beautiful restaurant, in a country far away, with the man I thought I was going to marry ( we had since broke up and I was heart broken) and a drunk guy sat down and told me I was beautiful – asked me my name – he was annoying and I was feeling sad but I thought – oh the universe is telling me nice things. Crock of shit……He lent over and gasped – “oh my god your teeth are massive”. Three days later a drunk on the street asked me for a light and peered at me over his stub and enquired if I had dentures hahahahaha

A few years ago around V-day I was working a manual labor job and had to work 12hr days. Needless to say, I was tired most of the time and had forgotten to make plans or get my wife anything! I felt horrible when I got home on Valentines Day and she had sprinkled flowers all over the apartment and made me a huge dinner… As if that wasn’t bad enough, then after we ate she went to slip into something more “comfortable” and I fell asleep on the couch. She ended up leaving and going to her Mom’s… I need to make it up to her so I would love to win! Thanks

Could it be the year my high school crush gave red carnations to every girl in the class except me? Yes, I think it could be.

It was Valentine’s Day like 5 years back. I was dating this girl close to February and we decided we’d be each other’s “valentines.” Well it gets down to the 14th and all of a sudden I can’t get a hold of her. I’m not sure what was going on, so I went to her house, left some roses and a card by her front door.
Got a call the day after saying she was sorry there was an emergency. Tried to make plans with her again, but never heard back.
It’s ok, she’s fat now.

College boyfriend pulled out a (fake) diamond ring as if he was going to propose only to start cracking up and tell me it was a joke. Needless to say we broke up not too long after that.

Best way to blow a G and still have the girl break up with you: On the eve of breaking up with my man of 6 months, I told him to cancel any valentine’s day plans he may have made (which i found out later was a weekend at a B&B up near Beacon). I said we could do dinner on February 15th but please do NOT make it fancy or involved. On Feb 14th, i go home to see a card and a box of my fav candy at my doorstep requesting my company at the WorldWide plaza fountain at noon on Feb 15th. I arrive at the appointed time, only to be serenaded by a saxophone player and then directed to a spa where there was an afternoon of fancy spa treatments waiting for me. I am so freaked out and confused that All i could do was cry at the spa which totally scared all of the technicians – THEN he was there at the spa at the end to take me to dinner. WHAT about that is not fancy and not complicated?? I was left exhausted and over it. this year – all i want is a tequila shot.

I totaled my ’88 Thunderbird while heading on a 5-hour drive south to rendezvous with my beau. Not only did I back up all of I-95 through Delaware and Maryland, but I had to listen to some jerk report about it on the radio while I waited for the police to arrive. Worst of all? Whiplash so bad nookie was impossible. We broke up a few months later.

My boyfriend made no plans for a date, gave no presents (not even a card), and insisted on spending the evening (without me!!!) with a group of his single-guy friends, because he felt sorry that they had to “be alone on Valentine’s Day.” Needless to say, that Valentine’s Day was our last.

Valentine’s Day, ah the memories. How about this: going to a dive bar and then watching the gutter twins painfully meander their way through a awkward set list. The evening was highlighted by Joe D getting kicked out of the Ballroom for trying to end his loneliness by hugging some random girl, who on my insistence, pushed him away (the affection was not mutual). He promptly fell to – and stayed on – the floor, one fist raised in the air, screaming ‘Rock n Roll!’ over and over again until he was escorted to the door by the staff. Some how he managed to convince them to get him his coat. After the show, yes I stayed, he was there, leaning up against a car with a Cheshire Cat grin on his face.

Later he did a commando roll out of a moving cab in Brooklyn.

The Lonely Hearts Club on V Day always makes for interesting times.

In second grade, I had a serious crush on a boy named Jimmy (my older brother used to sing, “jimmy jimmy cocoa puff, jimmy jimmy woooo”). I wanted to tell him on Valentines day but got very nervous… So I made him a fairly normal card, from a full-size sheet of paper folded twice. On the inside of the folded part I wrote in faint letters I Love You. I was hoping that if the affection was mutual, his curiosity would prompt him to unfold the paper in anticipation of a secret note. To this day I don’t know if he saw it, but in gym class my friend asked him if he had a crush on me, and he replied, “She’s really pretty, but she always has boogers in her nose.”

My ex-boyfriend a few years ago bought me a puppy for Valentines Day. I had been wanting one forever. (It was a small teacup pomeranian. Black. About a pound and a half. So this sounds sweet, and it was…unfortunately about a few days later I came home to the dog passed out and had to take it to the hospital. They gave me a large bill and a syringe to feed it with and told me the dog had annorexia. (Right…) That night I went home and syringe fed the dog and it threw up everywhere. I called the dog hospital to ensure that this was “normal” and that I could sleep thru the night and go to work the next morning without having a dead dog on my hands. Needless to say, I awoke at 5 a.m. unable to sleep because I was so worried. As i went to check on the dog, I noticed in the dark it was moving…when I turned on the light the kitchen was covered in no joke, bloody vommit, and the dog was laying in it having a seizure. I had to bring the dog back to the hospital where they shaved it in order to put the IV in it. Neck and legs which looked ridiculous. We then had to return it to the place we got it, where they promised us that if the dog got better, they would call us. They didn’t call. I never got another dog.

My husband at the time gave me a vintage valentine…which was a cute idea because I like vintage things…too bad he didn’t read it before he handed it over. It said (and this was in 1989 and I remember it verbatim):
“Looking for a valentine?
I have no objection.
You can keep on looking
Just don’t look in my direction!”
Adorable, right?
As if that wasn’t bad enough, he didn’t give me a gift or indicate there would be one. That night we went to dinner, and the waitress gave us Hershey kisses with the check. I said “at least someone gave me something nice for Valentine’s Day”. Hubby took his Hershey Kiss and threw it at me! I walked out of the restaurant and clomped around the neighborhood for an hour. Then when I got home, there was a Manu Dbango album sitting on the toilet, that was my present. It was something I wanted, but I wish he hadn’t waited all day, especially after giving me that insulting card! Incredibly, we were married for 13 years before we realized the relationship wasn’t working!

About 3 years ago, my boyfriend and I had V-day dinner reservations at Balthazar, which I was super excited about it. Unfortunately, we never actually made it there, for two reasons. The first being that there ended up being a snowstorm that day, and we were so not in the mood to schlep from Queens to the city. More prevailing, however, was the fact that I had went out with friends the night before and drank WAY too much, consequently leading to a massive hangover that left me sick and bed-ridden all of the next day. Sounds pretty crappy, doesn’t it? IT WAS.

I was pampering my Valentine with an at-home manicure when she casually let it slip she’d hooked up with and would continue to see one of my classmates. In a class of 175. Who was a guy (I’m not). Who was decidedly less attractive than me. Needless to say, we broke up that day and she just couldn’t understand why.

In college my boyfriend presented me with a small can of maple syrup as a gift with a brown felt heart pasted on it. He’d already opened it to try it out. Sad.

I was in high school and my boyfriend at the time just wasn’t doing it for me. He came over to my house some time just before V-day and said “so, what should we do for Valentine’s day?” and I said “Umm, actually, I was thinking we wouldn’t do anything. I don’t really want to see you anymore.” He went out to his car and cried and I felt like I was probably a really bad person. But at least I didn’t do what I’d originally been planning, which was to get him someplace quiet, play Sun Ra’s “Bye Bye” (http://allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=33:anfyxqrrldae) and look at him pointedly.

My boyfriend at the time was under a lot of stress at his high-paced job, the kind of job that sucks people’s souls out of their chests and leaves them empty, dessicated shells of human beings. Or so he had told me–to be perfectly frank, I didn’t know what he did and didn’t care, as long as he continued to fund my lavish lifestyle as a kept woman. He worked long hours, often coming home exhausted and cranky, and would occasionally roll over and go straight to bed instead of fucking me senseless like I deserved.

On this particular Valentine’s Day, which fell on a Saturday, my boyfriend told me he would have to leave town on a business trip which would entail not seeing me, not spending time with me, not pampering me or promising me things. Needless to say, I was incensed. My pampering gauge was dangerously close to empty, and if someone didn’t stick a pump in me and fill me up soon, I was going to sputter out and die. I told him to go ahead and take that business trip, I’d stay at home and watch movies with my fat, single girlfriends and eat the entire box of expensive chocolates that he was sure to send via airmail.

As soon as he left, I called my always patient ex-boyfriend on his cell phone and complained to him for two and a half hours (during peak hours), making sure that he would share in my pain through his cell phone bill. I then proceeded to snort a bowlful of coke, drink all of the finest bourbon in the house, call up three separate “Casual Encounters” from craigslist, get rammed in the ass by a tranny on my kitchen table, and vomit all over the teak floors in the foyer. And the hand-knotted silk rug in the living room. And my boyfriend’s flat screen TV. And into a plastic bag, which I then tied up with red ribbon and left in our bed with a gift tag that read, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Sweetie!”

Despite my boyfriend’s egregious neglect on that occasion, I’m happy to report that we’re now married and benefiting nicely from the recent housing crisis, as all of our property investments magically seemed to make money in the end. Don’t ask me how it happened, I don’t have a head for figures (unless we’re talking about mine.) All I know is, if we normal people can’t benefit from the mistakes of the poor people, why the hell should they even be allowed to live?

In Kindergarten, on Valentine’s Day, I was bending down to pick up a piece of candy and a boy stuck a pencil up my skirt. Then, at lunch, he kissed me on the lips in front of everyone. They all thought it was hilarious. I didn’t. I tried to cover it up by pretending I had lost my hat when I knew that it was on my head.

At the time, I thought I did the right thing, but looking back it’s pretty embarrassing:

When a good friend, who I found attractive but was not really attracted to, asked me to be his girlfriend in high school, I accepted. I suffered through the 3 weeks before Valentine’s before deciding I couldn’t go on pretending I liked him. I thought it would be better to break it off before Valentine’s than lead him on and do it after, so 2 days before I wrote him a breakup letter. I asked him to read it in front of me (why??? I ask myself now). I thought that way I could better respond/explain, but of course he was just upset. I found out later he had to give the roses and candy he already bought me to his mom. We’re still friends and I don’t think I’ll ever live it down.

My first Valentine’s Day in first grade, I gave the object of my desire one of those cutesy valentines cards that come in a pack of 25 for $1.00. He took it and proceeded to give it to another girl right in front of me!!!!

when i was 18 i used to visit a friend who was away at university for the weekend. one weekend happened to have valentines day, and my friend’s boyfriend offered to drove me to her dorm. this should have clued me in to what was about to happen. as soon as we get there, they both say “the two of us are going out for dinner, we’ll be back in a few hours” so i figured fair enough. approximately 8 hours later i was still alone in her dorm room. if youve ever been in a dorm i dont have to tell you how thin the walls are, you can usually hear everyone around you. next thing i know the couple next door decided to consummate their love, and every grunt and moan is in surround sound. my most depressing valentines day ever.

A BAT –
YES, a baseball bat was my (ex)boyfriend’s first valentine’s gift.
NO, not to play baseball with it. He wanted me to have it next to the bed as a weapon in case someone broke into my place.

maybe it will be our generation to stop this nonsense .. valentines day is bs. but i cannot stop reading your stories! tx

I found out through a friend that this guy I was seeing but not entirely thrilled about was getting me No Doubt tickets (this was Return of Saturn era) for Valentine’s Day. I’m a HUGE No Doubt fan! But what kind of gratitude would I be expected to express? Would I have to go with him and hold hands? Could I grimace off PDAs without getting the tickets revoked? Furthermore, the pre-sale was like 2 months in advance.

I broke it off. I never got the tickets.
/fan martyrdom

8th grade. greg came to my parent’s to drop off a heart shaped box of chocolates. i stood on the steps confused – it was 9:30pm, way past curfew. he left and wrote me a note in school the next day “my sister thought at least i deserved a kiss” uh my parents were home!!

Excuse me . . . who wants a Valentine that won’t suck anyways?

I can’t remember what film we saw, only that during the last half the sounds of slowly turning machinery started in my bowels. It was only our second date so we met at the movie theater in separate cars. Seeing as it was Valentine’s Day and it might be a good time for us to finally make out, I invited him to follow me back to my hippie commune house in the middle of nowhere deep in the Santa Cruz Mountains- a place where earlier that morning I had eaten a roommate’s old frozen yogurt from the fridge that tasted a bit funky. As he followed behind me in his car, I suddenly felt the urge to explode. I pulled off the road to go shit my brains out behind a bush, smiling and waving nonchalantly at him as I got back into my car. ‘No biggie’, I thought. ‘I feel better now’. We continued through the mountain roads and once at my house and out of the car, I ran in at full speed and went straight to the bathroom, locking the door and not coming out for the next several hours which were spent in a horrific whirlwind of puking and shitting and crying liquids from every orifice of my body. God, I didn’t want him to see me like this! To hear this. To smell this. I asked him to please go away but he stuck around outside the bathroom door. I finally came out of the bathroom to lie down in my bed, where I proceeded to shit my pants and stain the sheets while phasing in and out of consciousness. He said I looked white and awful and offered to take me to the hospital but I said “No thanks. I know I am going to die now. I would rather die in my own bed.” Then I lost consciousness again. I woke up in the emergency room with an IV in my arm and him waiting next to me. Did he really wipe the watery food poison poop from my butt before he had even kissed my lips? Now that’s love.

My boyfriend had been working long hours for the last few months, leaving open websites with holiday destinations and nicer apartments, and I was starting to get starry eyed about our future. We didn’t do anything particularly special for valentines, just hanging out in the park with friends and shooting the shit. It was chilly so I borrowed his jacket (without asking). When I stuck my freezing hands in the pockets, I felt a box. It didn’t occur to me it might be a ring until I pulled it out of the pocket. He grabbed it out of my hands, got down on one knee, and proposed to me right there and then. It was fantastic! And I said yes, and hugged him and cried a little I was so so happy. Our friends were excited too, and asked to see the ring. I took it off and they passed it around, saying how nice it was. My bff got really quiet when she looked at the ring, handed it back and said “there’s a problem with the band, it’s scratched on the inside”. I laughed it off but checked it out. That “scratch” was another girls name, beautifully engraved. The rest of the evening did not go well.

I work at a flower shop and spend at minimum 72 hours fulfilling the sweet intents and motions people order for their loved ones. It’s sweet to experience the gifting process from strangers and the job pays the bills, but my valentine’s days are always spent dethorning roses and depollinating lilies- not your typical February 14th.

A boyfriend of Valentine’s past told me that he’d bought me Madonna’s American Pie cd single for Valentine’s that morning but after an argument he told thrown it in the bin because I was such a cow. Boy, did I feel bad. I later found out that the CD wasn’t released for another three days. he was just too eman to get me anything. Git. x

I invited my 7th grad girlfriend to go roller skating on v-day, and while trying to impress her with my fancy moves I tripped and knocked out my front tooth. While waiting for my mom to pick me up to take me to the dentist, the DJ announced that is was a “girls choice” skate, and my girlfriend went and skated off with another guy–a 6th grader!

I ended up spending valentine’s day when I was 16 at a Borders bookshop with my date, because he prided himself on being a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants kind of guy and ended up not figuring out what to do in time to make a reservation. I ended up buying one of those mini books on friendship at the cash wrap while we were there, and gave it to him as a way of saying, I’m over this.

My frosh year of HS, the drama club ran a fund raiser in which people would buy roses for people to be delivered on Valentine’s day. The names of those who were to receive roses were writ large on butcher paper posted in the cafeteria. My best friend told me that the 2nd most attractive fellow on the scholastic bowl team bought one for me. I foolishly discussed this with my older brother (who had recently started displaying bursts of mania due to some anti-OCD meds that he was on). So, he he started harassing the kid in the cafeteria about it, in a friendly but crazy way. It turned out that the rose was a ruse put on by my best friend. This is probably not the only reason that I didn’t date until shortly after I turned 21, but I don’t think that it helped.

A few years ago, my ex gave me one of those hand-held infomercial choppers. It was supposed to be a “practical” gift. The first time I used it I cut myself on the blade.

A couple of years ago I asked a girl out on Valentine’s Day. She said yes and we made plans to get Ethiopian food at this classy restaurant. Then she shows up…with her brother in tow. Epic fail.

In college, my boyfriend of two and a half years gave me a piece of paper with pixie stix taped to it in the shape of a heart with “Your Sweet” written on it. A lame gift, but I should have known then that it wasn’t going to work out… I would never marry a man who didn’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.

[...] this is one of 20 peculiar Valentine’s ideas on Flavorwire. check them [...]

In high school a dear guy friend of mine wanted to write me a song for Vday since I had always had terrible Valentines’s Days and he wanted to make it special. Well special he made it. The next day at school he showed up with his guitar during lunch and a huge group of my friends gathered round to watch. Well before he starts he tells me he didn’t have enough time to write me a song so he is going to play a cover and that my friends are going to help him sing it. He start strumming on the guitar and the next thing I know my friends and he are belting out “Rape Me” by Nirvana….yes rape me. happy valentines day, lets rape. classy….but hilariously fun.

Hiliarous and horrifying! I vote for:
Jody Snyder • January 30th, 2010 at 11:56 am
My husband loved my meatloaf recipe. So, as a newlywed, I decided
to make one for our 1st Married Valentine’s Day. I decided to make
it in a heart shape with tomato sauce on the top. Obviously, I had
not thought this through. It came out of the out of the oven,
cracked on the top as all meatloafs do, & with the oil & fat
blurping out of the cracks, making the tomato sauce pulsate
like open heart surgery. Needless to say, we could barely
look at it, much less eat it.

hahaha these are pretty hilarious (we can laugh in hindsight, right?). my story doesn’t compare but one valentine’s my boyfriend at the time gave me a hideous and gigantic set of pajamas– not even lingerie, but t-shirt and shorts that were three sizes too big. wth?? maybe i should have been more appreciative that he wanted me to be a large woman.

i had a first date on Valentine’s day with a friend of a friend. we went out for pizza and then to see some bands play. the only problem was my date vomited the whole night! he tried to play it off, saying he was just sick, but the reality was he was so nervous, he was making himself sick! too much pressure to have a first date on this grand day of love, i guess! fun fact: we will be married 12 years come november!

loving that stump ring!

Really love all the stories everyone shared here. Some were awfully hard to stomach n my sympathies go out to all who have had a truly bad valentine’s day experience. I’m sure everyone has had a bad one at least once in their lives. I think vdays can be fun but they can also be a source of arguments n disappointment. It’s all very commercial true, but I think it’s not a good reason to boycott the day or be el cheapo n not get ur loved one a gift or make plans even if u think it’s all commercial crap. If it makes someone you love happy, why not?
I don’t have a bf at the moment but I’ll won’t feel bad cos I’ll be celebrating the lunar new year with family n stuffing my face without worrying about fitting into a sexy little black number :-)
but thanks to all who shared their stories. It’s great to see do many people able to look back on cringeworthy n painful experiences with humour n have a heart big enough to laugh at yourself. It’s definitely a sign your heart has healed n you have come a long way! Very heartwarming n lots of fun reading all the posts written in good humour. So much wit n intelligence! Thank you all! May you all find love and may we all celebrate this day by loving ourselves first of all! :-)