What If: Celebrities Tweet Salinger’s Death

When J.D. Salinger died last week at the age of 91, the Twitter- and the literatti aligned to mourn the reclusive writer. Charles McGrath wrote a touching obit in the New York Times; Lillian Ross waxed poetic in The New Yorker and Bret Easton Ellis, tweeted, “Yeah!! Thank God he’s finally dead. I’ve been waiting for this day for-fucking-ever. Party tonight!!!” Ah, the Twitterverse, where Chilon of Sparta’s maxim “Don’t speak ill of the dead” doesn’t apply, as long as you can do it in under 140 characters. We turned to the Twitterverse to see how other luminaries, literary and decidedly unliterary, marked Salinger’s passing*.

Dingle! Dongle! The old man’s dead. Let’s break open that Frog’s Leap Cab and quaff. Anne, Anne! My decanter!
@mcattack – Jay McInerney

RIP Jerry. I bow my head in silent tribute 2 a man whose talent formed the basis 4 my own oeuvre, or is it ouvre? Does this have spellcheck?
@ParkSlopeBoi – Jonathan Safran Foer

When I was in Bohkara, a holy man said hold on 2 your dreams. Thought he said Holden. I’m adorable, self-effacing, well-traveled & I miss JD
@eatpreylove -Elizabeth Gilbert

I met Jerry at a cocktail party once. No, twice. I think twice. Once at the Regency and once at the Yaddo. Rest in Peace.
@UpstreamSwimmer – Salman Rushdie

Bill Gray is now an orphan.
@DoubleD – Don Delillo

Used 2 run in2 Jerry at CBGB, those thick eyebrows wiggling sardonically to Blitzkreig Bop. Told me, wryly, Holden was based on Joey Ramone.
@Eat88 – Patti Smith

J.D.’s dead! I can’t wait to play Holden in the screen adaptation. I love sweaters!
@aplusk -Ashton Kutcher

Always thought that Stradlater was > Caulfield. Nah, I’m just kidding.
@johncmayer  – John Mayer

Hey little monsters! My fave author died today. (No, not Deleuze. Salinger!) I ruined my makeup crying. xx
@Ladygaga  – Lady Gaga

Holden Caulfield is an anagram for Ill Unfolded Ache. Salinger’s death a chiropractic conspiracy? RT with info.
@IamIlluminati  – Dan Brown

Anyone we’re forgetting?

* Editor’s note: This post is a work of fiction. Just wanted to be sure we’re all clear on that.