What Is Your Devo Color?

In anticipation of a new release this spring (their first album in two decades), the dudes from Devo are incorporating a very involved color-study poll to determine every aspect, from instrumentation and vocal style to “body covering and brand color.” Tonight, they’ll post “Fresh,” a new song for free download, in conjunction with their performance at the Winter Olympics, allowing fans to see firsthand how well the system works.

It’s tough to tell whether the dripping sarcasm in this web post is coming straight from Devo as an elaborate publicity stunt parodying product monetization or is a tongue-in-cheek response to the demands of a meddling record company. Either way, we warily navigated the Devo Color Study, a poll which doesn’t seem unlike a cult indoctrination exercise, replete with brain-freezing imagery. View the results below.

1. There is a picture of clouds against a blue sky, and we’re asked how the image makes us feel. The clouds look soft, but considering one of the choices is disobedient, how can we resist taking the rebellious path? “Disobedient” it is, take that clouds!

2. “Which color pill do you think will heal this weakened man?” – Going with the healing power of Devo, we choose red.

3. “Which animal would you touch with your bare hand?” – The bluebird is appealingly soft, but the crocodile looks like he’s staring into your soul.

4. “Which color would intoxicate this young man the most?”  – The obvious choice here is purple, in hopes that the guys in Devo get hooked on purple drank and choose to collaborate with Lil’ Wayne.

5. Which of these two men guards a horrible secret?”  – The picture is uniformly creepy. Red or blue, you can’t go wrong. Just get away from this page before you fall deep into the abyss of this man’s eyes.

6. A grinning butcher is cutting up a steak, splattered with blood. What color is the blood?  We choose blue-blooded, going back to Devo’s reptilian de-evolutionary ideals

7. “Which color for the car makes you dislike the man more?” – Canary yellow. With red rims. By giving us this choice, are they implying we should dislike Devo?

8. “What color ink is this man writing his ransom note in?” – Assuming the man in the previous picture was kidnapped, the ransom note would be written in yellow to punish him for the car.

9. “If you were a color, you would mix yourself with which of these colors?” – At this point, Mark Mothersbaugh is probably laughing at our poor self-control and planning for when we become Devo zombie roadies, in charge of transporting the hats and only the hats. Choose red in anticipation of the inevitable assimilation.

10. “Which color best fits the word above?” – Considering the word is in 84 font and screaming “VOMIT,” the puke-orange is too perfect to resist.

11. “What color does this sound feel like?” – The short clip sounds like R2D2 tearing fabric, so the answer is clearly blue.

12. “What color would not lift this woman’s sinking depression?” – Another terrifying, toothy smile, the woman suspiciously masculine and cheerfully holding a steaming pie. Why is the pie tin shaped like the base of a Devo hat? More importantly, why do we suddenly care?

13. “Which color makes this bunny look most refreshed?” – Choosing red makes him look demonic, not refreshed. But in Devo’s world, is there really a difference?

14. “What color is this neglected step-child’s hair? – Finally, an easy decision. Red hair makes the kid look like Rosemary’s baby.

15. “Which color best defines the deadly sin of greed?” – The questions are slowly returning to expected societal idioms and expressions, so the classic conformist choice is green

16. “What color makes this musical group feel more effective?” – Here they are, the Devo men in hats. Red is the obvious choice, but it’s really a snap decision.Thinking that the member in the ground is winking at you is a good reason to rapidly quick away.

17. “When the de-evolution arrives, where will this man hide?” – The man is carrying a briefcase and chattering into a cellphone. The choices look like a cryogenic chamber, a plant, and a coffee table. Our will to live without Devo has been broken. Traipse into the cryogenic chamber, where “Whip It” will soothe you for eternity.