Glee’s Sue Sylvester is hands down our favorite character on TV right now. Sadly, we haven’t seen her since December and we desperately miss her un-PC one-liners, diatribes, and journal entries. We even miss her track suits. So when Perez Hilton posted a new Sue’s Corner video on Tuesday we put aside our distaste for Perez and couldn’t click the link fast enough. After watching it a couple of times, we started to think of other topics we’d like the no-nonsense cheer coach to tackle. Peep our top ten suggestions after the jump.
1. The lack of monogamous relationships in Hollywood
Due to the media frenzy surrounding Sandra Bullock because of Jesse James’ infidelity, we think that Sue would have a few words to say, especially since news anchor Rod Remington cheated on her not so long ago. We have a feeling that she would advise Bullock to make her husband’s reality TV show–Jesse James is a Dead Man–a reality.
2. Nicholas Sparks’ oeuvre
Every book that Sparks writes becomes a movie. And let’s be honest–they’re all the same saccharine story. We’d love to see Sue advise Sparks to grow a pair and start writing stories that don’t appeal to divorcées and teenage girls.
3. P.S. 22 Chorus
It’s hard to imagine anyone disliking the adorable and talented kids of the P.S. 22 Chorus. But considering Sue’s disdain for the Glee Club and Will Schuester, we don’t think that she’d be charmed by either P.S. 22 or Gregg Breinberg since they’re basically the real-life version of Glee. Except younger.
4. Lady Gaga
We like to think that Sue has been oblivious to the Gaga revolution and has just figured out who the pants-hating chanteuse is, most probably due to the amount of Lady Gaga-bashing that’s been happening over at Fox News. Apparently they’ve just heard of her, too. Although there’s not much more that can be said about Gaga, we would really love to hear Sue’s version of it.
5. The Jersey Shore’s international debut
We’re gonna bet that Sue is not a fan of the GTL crew. In fact, we think that she would consider them to be the lowest form of human life and instead of being bemused and strangely fascinated by their tan bodies, ditziness, and narcissistic slang, she would verbally shame them to the point that they would stay in for one night.
The fact that users can “next” someone at any time, for any reason, makes this website one that Sue would love. We think that she would say “natural selection” at some point while talking about it before calling the people who frequent the site “losers who are unable to make real friends.” But, you know, harsher than that.
A show about people stranded on an island for six years that involves flash forwards, flash backs, and flash sideways, and never gives the audience any kind of closure? Sue would not be amused. And we would love to hear her take on how the show will end. We’re thinking it would involve an explosion or a time-traveling floating tea party.
8. James Cameron vs. Glenn Beck
We can’t see Sue as a James Cameron fan. And we’re certain she wouldn’t be an Avatar fan. It’d be great to hear her side with Beck because Sue Sylvester is the only person we would listen to defend him. (The fact that she’s fictional hasn’t escaped us.)
9. Kids on Leashes
This is a trend we do not understand and would love to see disappear. However, we think that Sue is the type of person that would be a big fan of child leashes. Despite the fact that she works at a high school, she pretty much loathes everyone except for her Cheerios, the attractive, able-bodied teenagers that can be manipulated under her Machiavellian rule so that she can squeeze a bigger paycheck. Therefore, we think she would probably tell people that child leashes are the greatest invention ever and that every child should be treated like a pet.
10. Cirque du Soleil
Although the show is heavy on physical strength and flexibility, things Sue would appreciate, at it’s core the show is a French circus. Sue would hate it. And we would love hearing about how Sue sees it.
What topic do you think should be featured on Sue’s Corner? Let us know in comments.