Whether they’re your style icons or your favorite punching bags, people can’t stop talking, reading, or writing about hipsters (ourselves included). So, at a time when the blog Look at This Fucking Hipster is now a hyped book by the same name, is it any wonder that Houghton Mifflin Harcourt is merging the meme with our culture’s current food obsession? Get ready for Chubster, a “humorous… diet book” for hipsters. Can’t control your excitement? Simmer down. We’ve gotten our hands on* the book’s official Table of Contents.

Brunch: Because breakfast is too early
Ironic bacon and eggs
Unironic bacon and eggs
Country ham and other soon-to-be-trendy pig products
Bourbon-soaked French toast: The perfect solution to a late-night, small-batch liquor spill
Yogurt: The expensive, foreign, unsweetened kind. Try spelling it “yoghurt”
Oatmeal: The chunky, Irish kind that takes two hours to make. Hey, it’s not like you have a job to worry about
Huevos rancheros: Mexican food makes you sound gritty and cultured at the same time
Grits: An easy way to convince people you’ve been to the South
The high-end Egg McMuffin: All the blue-collar street cred, none of the indigestion
Eggs Benedict: Learn how to poach an egg, impress the lady sleeping off last night’s bender in your bed
Tofu scramble: Make vegan brunch, impress the hottie buying spirulina at the co-op
The happy hangover: Locally sourced hamburger topped with free-range egg
The sad hangover: Cigarettes and black coffee and maybe a shot of whiskey

[Image via Chromewavesdotorg on Flickr]

Appetizers: Stuff to eat when you’re cracked out
Finding the right locally-sourced paté for you
Cheese: The stinkier it is, the more sophisticated people will think you are
American cheese: An ironist’s best friend
Things you can wrap in bacon
Around the world in obscure, regional potato chip flavors
PBR-battered onion rings
PBR-battered tofu
PBR-battered PBR
Iceberg wedge, dressing on the side: For when the mere mention of any other food makes you nauseous

[Image via melisdramatic on Flickr]

Entrées: Stuff to eat when you’re stoned
Introduction: Balancing high-end and low-end to retain cultural capital
Slumming hipster —
Barbecue: The working man’s filet mignon
Meatloaf: Just like your rich mom’s housekeeper used to make
Stirfry: The last resort of the broke and vegetarian
Deep-fried everything: The cooking technique that will change your life
Ramen gourmet: How to make the only meal you can afford (until Daddy’s next check comes in) taste like David Chang made it
Mexican food 101: Hard-shell tacos kits are for suburbans
Haute hipster —
Organic, free-range, locally-sourced meats you can eat raw
Steak: Because meat-and-potatoes men are having a retro moment
A field guide to bitter, multi-colored farmer’s market greens your friends probably haven’t heard of
Red meat + brown liquor marinade = date night

[via Mr Michael Phams on Flickr]

Desserts
Artisanal ice cream: Who wants vanilla when you could have lime-basil-chili pepper?
Know your cocoa content, or why you can never buy Hershey’s
Jello mold: Because you’re hip enough to pull it off
Cakes, pies, and cookies you can soak in booze
Rebel sweets: Everyday desserts made edgier with savory ingredients
Marshmallows and fluff: The ultimate in post-meal nostalgia

Beverages
Hard alcohols: A guide —
Whiskey, bourbon, Scotch: Your authentic, often Southern, yet satisfyingly pricey holy grail
Gin: Retro cocktails, pls
Vodka: Screwdrivers, Bloody Marys and other hair-of-the-dog brunch drinks
Rum: Mai tais, daiquiris, and other kitschy tropical drinks
Tequila: Off limits unless smuggled back from Mexican roadtrip; strictly for bros
Beers: The essential dichotomy —
Budget swill: PBR, Schlitz, Natty Boh, Beast, Schaefer, Rheingold, and (for the truly “hardcore”) off-brand 40s
Microbrews: Which artisanal IPAs with a witty, culturally literate name is right for you?

*No we didn’t. We totally made this up.