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Our 20 Favorite Blanche Devereaux-isms

Everything we ever needed to know about sex we learned from the sassiest of the Golden Girls, Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux — her initials spelled “bed” for a reason. In most cases, she had fewer funny lines than the other girls; she wasn’t sarcastic like Sophia, or quick with a knowing one-liner like Dorothy, or just plain silly like Rose. But she was sexy and hilarious — something women of certain age weren’t supposed to be — especially on TV in the ’80s. And infinitely quotable. Click through as we countdown 20 of our favorite Blanche-isms. And if we’ve missed any of yours, be sure to drop them in the comments. As Blanche would say, “better late than pregnant.”

1. “My God, Dorothy you’re right!… I oughta start meeting men lying down…”

2. “He is so sophisticated and charming and rich and handsome. He fairly screams Blanche. At least, he will when I’m through with him.”

3. “I’m jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo.”

4. “There is a fine line between having a good time and being a wanton slut. I know. My toe has been on that line.”

5. “I swear with God as my witness, I will never pick up another man!… in a library… on a Saturday… unless he’s cute… and drives a nice car… Amen.”

7. “Oh please, it’s bad enough hearing all those snickers as you walk down the aisle, but me in white, even I couldn’t keep a straight face.”

8. [On performing in front of a video camera] “I think it’s okay as long as you’ve already had at least three dates.”

9. “And I’m Sister Blanche. We’re… uh, going… door to door collecting lingerie for… needy sexy people.”

10. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go take a long, hot, steamy bath, with just enough water to barely cover my perky bosoms.”

11. “I mean, if she’s gonna have fantasies, they oughtta be the normal, healthy kind, like… sweaty Argentinian cowboys whippin’ things while they ride naked on the back of Brahma bulls.”

12. “And I wrote him that I wanted to make passionate love to him in a hammock suspended between two Magnolia tees. You know that couldn’t possibly happen!”

13. “Oh, Caroline, one year after your spouse dying isn’t anything. Why, I’ve had people call me when their wife was in intensive care!”

14. [On being in love with two men at once] “Well, let’s set the scene… have we been drinking?”

15. “I’m from the South. Flirting is part of my heritage.”

16. “Sophia, by placing this pearl necklace between my bosoms, does it make me look like I’m a sex-starved slut who is in need of a man to bed? [Sophia says yes.] Good, then pearl it is.”

17. “Rose Nylund, every man I know is watching this show. This live show. This live show about ‘Lesbian Lovers of Miami.'”

18. “I can’t take it back. I payed in advance. [Dorothy: "Can't you get a refund?"] Well, no. I payed with nature’s credit card.”

19. “Dorothy, at 2am in the morning, I was entertaining a gentleman caller. She walked in on me at the most inopportune time. I could have lost my balance and chipped a tooth.”

20. “My first was Billy. Oh, I’ll never forget it! That night under the dogwood tree, the air thick with perfume, and me with Billy. Or Bobby? Yes, that’s right, Bobby! Or was it Ben? Oh who knows, anyway, it started with a B.”

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