For centuries, we have judged each other by the books we read. And in the past several decades, we’ve also put people in categories based on their favorite bands. But, in the Internet age, when most of us spend more time staring at Firefox than reading or listening to music, what better way to stereotype people than by teasing meaning out of their favorite website? With that in mind, we present yet another light-hearted list (featuring many websites that we, too, love very much) that will nonetheless piss you off if you take it too seriously.
Slate That guy at the party who’s always going, “Just to play the devil’s advocate for a second…”
Buzzfeed Viral Internet addicts who are too young to remember a time when “viral” was primarily a medical term
Gawker Editorial assistants who hate their bosses and want to write for Gawker
Jezebel Lady editorial assistants who can’t decide whether they miss Women’s Studies classes or think they were total bullshit
Salon People who pretend they want to read about lefty politics but actually want to read celebrity gossip
Huffington Post People who pretend they want to read about lefty politics but actually want to gawk at celebrity nip slips
McSweeney’s Nice hipsters
Vice Mean hipsters
Brooklyn Vegan Mean hipsters with a lot of frustrations to vent
nytimes.com People who are either killing or subsidizing print media. Take your pick.
Pitchfork People who see themselves as tastemakers but really prefer to have their tastes made for them
Stereogum Former Pitchfork fans looking for less talk, more rock
Gorilla vs. Bear Former Pitchfork fans looking for less rock, more chillwave
The New Yorker Highbrow types who believe long-form journalism really can thrive on the Internet, goddammit
Fark Your post-frat buddy who is always sending you some link you’ve already seen a million times
College Humor Your post-frat buddy who is secretly a big geek
Google Indecisive types, fanboys with “Don’t be evil” tattoos
Facebook People whose favorite band is The Beatles
MySpace People whose favorite band is Ke$ha
Twitter Media types who have yet to discover the magic of TweetDeck
Neatorama Adorable nerds who know they’re adorable
Boing Boing Nerds who would be adorable if they weren’t so obsessed with steampunk
Perez Hilton Tweens
Oh No They Didn’t Tween Gossip Girl fans who don’t understand copyright law
YouTube Tweens who have always wanted to call someone a “fag” but don’t have the guts to do it in person
Hulu TV fans who haven’t figured out torrents and/or think sitting through the commercials is “supporting the show”
Netflix That dude who’s always going, “Twelve dollars?! For a movie?! I could watch this at home for pennies!” in line in front of you at the movie theater box office
Fleshbot That dude in your office who’s always looking around to see if anyone can see his computer screen.
Vulture ADHD sufferers who love pop culture
Foursquare Schmoozers whose greatest goal is to be the first result when someone Googles their name
The Awl Jealous bloggers who are sick of writing SEO headlines
eBay People who would have been cokeheads in the ’80s
Etsy Girls who wear hats with cat ears, buy you unidentifiable presents
Flavorwire Alpha ladies; omega dudes