Do you have an older brother who speaks in Ron Swanson quotes? Or a best friend who went as Blue Man Tobias Fünke for Halloween? Or a younger sister who sings “Night Cheese” in her sleep? If yes, this gift guide is for you! Sometimes, season DVD/Blu-ray sets just won’t cut it for our favorite modern TV aficionados. Firstly, because they probably already own ’em. And secondly? Well, they’re just not original enough. These people deserve silly, offbeat TV-related gifts that will make them chuckle and ask, “Where in the world did you find this?” Then you’ll bring them here and we’ll all high-five and eat “meat tornado” cookies. Or not. Either way, check out some TV-themed trash bags and binoculars after the jump.
Ron Swanson Cookie Gift Box, $30
Since it’s impossible to put Ron Swanson’s face on bacon and eggs (or is it?), Whipped Bakeshop is here to bake us up a batch of Parks and Recreation cookies featuring everyone’s favorite department director. Each gift box comes with six vanilla shortbread cookies — two quotes, two steaks, and two Swanson faces. Even though “cookies” are a sensitive subject for Ron right now, we’re pretty sure any Pyramid of Greatness fan would love to find these goodies under a tree.
Dexter Trash Bags, $12.95
You know the commercials, “Don’t get mad, get Glad”? This holiday season, don’t get Glad, get Dexter trash bags to make the disposing of dead bodies all the more cinematic! For some reason or another, they sell them in the Showtime store. And if your friends’ households aren’t lacking in heavy duty bags, the show’s store has Dexter shot glasses for all your bloody party needs.
Dr. Fünke’s 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution Poster, $25
What do you get when you throw Tobias, Lindsay, and Maeby in a mid-’90s folk band? Dr. Fünke’s 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution, of course! Frame this poster for your resident Arrested Development enthusiast and enjoy as confused viewers inquire about the Greater Boston Wellness Expo of 1996. If you have eight bucks to spare, buy a set of “I Blue Myself” pencils while you’re at it.
Bored to Death Binoculars, $14.99
You might not know about it, but your writer friend who loves Jonathan Ames is probably moonlighting as a private detective in his downtime. Buy him some Bored to Death binoculars this year to show your support, because these puppies are pretty fun. 30mm lenses? 4x magnifying power? A neck strap? Count us in.
Little Angel Shirley Bennett Key Chain, $8
No one does the sitcom holiday season better then Shirley Bennett! This customizable gift is perfect for that sad soul in your life who’s currently mourning the potential loss of Community. Be sure to poke around this awesome Etsy store, it’s full of TV gold for all your keys’ needs.
Walking Dead Bicycle Girl Zombie Bust, $49.99
Do you have a friend who’s really into The Walking Dead? Or a cousin that you’ve been meaning to terrify? Buy them this repulsive Bicycle Girl zombie bust from the AMC store. Or if you’d prefer a Tank zombie bust, they have that too.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Chardee MacDennis Game Board, $39.95
We gave you the rules, now all you need is your very own Chardee MacDennis Game Board! Gather the whole family for a rousing round of “The Game of Games” this holiday season, just don’t put any of the older folks (besides Danny DeVito) in a dog cage.
Kenny Powers 2012 Wall Calendar, $9.95
2012 will mark the final season of Eastbound & Down, so buy your friends this Kenny Powers wall calendar while he’s still with us. Why? Well — who wouldn’t want to wake up to these ridiculous Danny McBride glamor shots every day for a leap year?
Game of Thrones Map, $20
Got a Game of Thrones enthusiast who’s big into fictional maps? Check out the cartography skills on this Etsy artist! The fan-made poster covers all its book-series-turned-TV-show grounds, from Westeros to Essos to Valyria, and is derived from over 20 preexisting A Song of Ice and Fire maps.
If you know someone who requires an inspirational boost from Kenneth Parcell every few hours, buy them this “Nothing’s impossible, except for dinosaurs” magnet for their fridge. Bonus points if you buy them this NBC Page tee.