Is your boyfriend in love with his cousin? Are you in love with your neighbor? Is your neighbor in love with a jerk? Are you a cartoon? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you might be a lovelorn teenage character on a TV series. When we brought you our favorite ’90s teen power couples, we neglected to mention the best friends, classmates, ex-lovers, and siblings of these perfect couples — the characters who, more often than not, are majorly lacking in the love department. This phenomenon is typically blamed on awkwardness, fickleness, or ugly duckling syndrome, but what if these misfits’ true TV match is just on another series? With Valentine’s Day less than a month away, we’re pairing lonely teenage TV characters with other lonely TV characters. Some are from current shows, others are from yesteryear, but all deserve a little more love than they receive. Check out the matches we’ve made after the jump, then hit the comments to recommend others. It’s pretty fun.
Brian Krakow, My So-Called Life + Clarissa Darling, Clarissa Explains It All
They’re smart, they’re sassy, they spend a lot of time in their bedrooms, and they’re both sort of in love with their neighbors. Of course, Brian’s love for Angela was undeniably more pronounced than Clarissa’s feelings for Sam, but if Brian and Clarissa lived in the same TV town, they’d surely fall in love whilst geeking out about PCs and mismatched clothes.
Kenneth Parcell, 30 Rock + Ann Veal, Arrested Development
Okay, Kenneth isn’t a teenager. We actually have no idea what Kenneth’s age is supposed to be — it’s a 30 Rock secret. Regardless, if Egg was cool with dating GOB, she’d be even cooler with dating Kenneth. The NBC page would undeniably fall head over heels for Miss Veal’s religious values and meaty last name, and they would live happily ever after — or at least until the Rapture.
Kimmy Gibber, Full House + Screech, Saved by the Bell
Here we find Kimmy and Screech, the offbeat best friends of DJ Tanner and Zack Morris, respectively. If Screech had been slightly less nerdy, these two would be the exact same person. Wait, would that make them soul mates or mortal enemies? Oh well, we’ll go with soul mates.
Doogie Howser, Doogie Howser, M.D. + Alex Mack, The Secret World of Alex Mack
If you’ve found yourself with super-strange teenage powers after coming into accidental contact with a top-secret chemical, you should probably just date a 16-year-old doctor. He’ll mend your electrocution-based wounds and won’t be disgusted when you spontaneously turn into a puddle of liquid. Problem solved! Oh, and we know that Doogie (sometimes) had Wanda, but that relationship was an emotional roller coaster.
Roger Klotz, Doug + Helga Pataki, Hey Arnold
There’s only one girl who could handle the teenage monster that is Roger Klotz, and that girl is Helga Pataki. Sure, Helga “loves” Arnold, but there must be something missing — why else would she be so inexplicably evil? Roger and Helga would keep each other in line.
Carlton Banks, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air + Jackie Burkhart, That ’70s Show
Hear us out on this one. True, their shows were set in different decades, but we know two things for sure about Jackie Burkhart’s heart: 1) It loves money, and 2) It settled down with Fez. Now, if you take some of Fez’s quirkiest qualities and give him brains and the lifestyle for which Jackie always longed, you’d have Carlton Banks.
Karen Foster, Step by Step + Eric Matthews, Boy Meets World
Ah, the classic dimwit with a pretty face. Every sitcom needs one. Although Karen Foster took the pretty-and-vain route in Step by Step while Boy Meets World’s Eric Matthews chose to be pretty and goofy, these two would probably balance out into a normal, functional, enjoyable couple.
Bill Haverchuck, Freaks and Geeks + Gretchen, Recess
If anyone could successfully date a cartoon, it would be Bill Haverchuck. With their shared disregard for social norms and similar oversize glasses, Bill and Gretchen would make a cute little couple. Plus, we all know that the Geeks loved themselves some Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and Gretchen’s handheld “Galileo” contraption was voiced by Eric Idle.
Artie, Glee + Pandora, Skins
It’s a funny sight to see anyone from the Skins saga next to a character from Glee, but this couple would make sense. Not just because they’re both generally naïve and overly optimistic, but because they could make some sweet, sweet music together.