Flavorwire’s Summer Movie Anti-Preview

10 summer movies we do not want to see. Like, at all.

As we’ve mentioned a time or twelve, it’s mighty slim pickins at the movie house this summer – and that’s even by summer standards. You have to drill pretty deep to find big summer movies actually worth getting excited about this year; mostly, it’s a slate of dumbed-down retreads, rip-offs, and reboots. Being a culture site of some breadth, we try to see all of the important new movies of note, but I’m not gonna lie to you, the thought of sitting through some of this trash is too much to bear. So, in contrast to our previous summer movie preview, these are the ten movies we’re looking forward to least this summer, and what we’d rather be doing than watching them.

10. The Hitman’s Bodyguard (August 18)

IN A NUTSHELL: A wacky action/comedy from the director of noted laugh riot The Expendables 3, in which a bodyguard (Ryan Reynolds) is hired to protect a hitman (Samuel L. Jackson) who is testifying against an evil dictator (Gary Oldman). This one’s probably no better or worse than your average forgotten Reynolds or Jackson vehicle, but it’s on this list on account of its gawdawful poster, a super-timely send-up of The Bodyguard.
WOULD RATHER: Eat at Long John Silver’s. Like, at the end of the night, when all the “fish” has been sitting under the heat lamp for a few hours.