The 2014 Winter Olympics bring complicated feelings: on the one hand, I don’t want to watch because I don’t support Russia’s anti-gay laws. On the other hand: figure skating!!! No other sport mashes together athletic talent and overwhelming camp so nicely, and its biggest stars have been doing it for years. Luckily, there’s YouTube, that great archive of bizarre moments in pop culture, which allows us to revisit some of the wackiest routines in recent figure skating history — the kind that blend grace and pop music to sometimes hilarious results.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNu_KgsPL5I]
Katarina Witt skates to Michael Jackson’s “Bad”
Naturally, when one thinks of “bad dudes,” the mind immediately goes to Michael Jackson and female figure skaters.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7g2vnFqK8c]
Katarina Witt skates to Prince’s “Kiss”
Hey, can we all go back in time and make Katarina Witt our BFF?
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRPzdTyBufo]
Scott Hamilton skates to Aerosmith’s “Walk This Way”
That outfit really matches Aerosmith’s sensibility, huh?
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmzpCzQiGFM]
Johnny Weir skates to Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face”
Lady Gaga’s biggest fan is a natural at bringing her over-the-top pop insanity to the ice.
[youtube http://youtu.be/B4SofXwowcU]
Barbara Underhill and Paul Martini skate to Billy Ray Cyrus’ “One Night”
As it turns out, Billy Ray Cyrus recorded something other than “Achy Breaky Heart.” And apparently, no woman can resist a man in leather pants and a bright red blouse.
[youtube http://youtu.be/LWp_SVJo4OQ]
Sasha Cohen skates to Christina Aguilera’s “Hurt”
Sadly, this is not a Nine Inch Nails cover.
[youtube http://youtu.be/WGYxhM1NAjE]
Michelle Kwan skates to Jewel’s “Hands (Christmas Version)”
I didn’t think there was anything that could make me laugh harder than the fact that Jewel recorded a “Christmas version” of “Hands,” but then I found this video of Michelle Kwan skating to it.
[youtube http://youtu.be/KoMbqAimcL4]
Nancy Kerrigan skates to a Janet Jackson medley
What have you done for Nancy Kerrigan lately? Other than stale Tonya Harding jokes, that is.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtR1zU8TcAY]
Jill Trenary skates to Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots Are Made for Walkin'”
No one would argue that figure skating is subtle, but Jill Trenary reiterates the sentiment with her Austin Powers fembot outfit.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iodhXLVmEMI]
Johnny Weir skates to Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance”
Someone’s dad probably saw this and said, “Johnny Weir? More like Johnny Weird” and gave himself a high-five.